Once all the kids filed outside for a performance by the amazingly not-fake band the Pink Spiders (you just know Mel was expecting a car), it was time to pick a loser, but with 98 percent of diners enjoying the man food and 99 percent of diners liking the ladies', there was no loser tonight. ''Thank you, chef, for your generosity,'' bleated Matt. ''F--- generosity,'' responded Chef Ramsay. God, I wish I could spell out that whole F-bomb there. I think Ramsay really earned that one, don't you?
Up for elimination: Matt, Shayna, and — after Chef Ramsay asked Christina who she'd rather put up — Rosann. Matt thought he was being set up, by the way (thanks to Bobby, who chose a slightly more scatological description of Matt's face than Sam the Eagle), and when it came time to plead his case, Matt argued that Bobby kicked him off his station and there was nothing he could do about it. ''Look at the size of you!'' yelled Ramsay, in a moment that either redeemed the last half of the episode or made this the most decidedly anti-fat-person hour of television in weeks. ''You're 250 pounds! Louross' balls are bigger than yours!'' Hearing this, Matt broke glass in case of emergency: Taking his tiny balls in his hand, he volunteered to go to the women's team. After eliminating Shayna, Chef Ramsay called Matt's bluff, and sent him to estrogen exile. ''F---,'' said Corey, yet again.
(Real quick, though, in case you didn't catch that classic elimination logic: The men nominated Matt. ''Good choice,'' said Ramsay, ''considering he served dry fish to the birthday girl's mother. I can't think of anything worse, except maybe for sending some undercooked steak to the birthday girl herself. Speaking of which, the ladies' decision is who?'' The women nominated Shayna. ''Shayna?'' Chef Ramsay asked quizzically, then asked Christina who she'd nominate personally. She said Rosann. ''That. Makes. Sense,'' said Ramsay, making slicing gestures with his hand. So given that Matt was a ''good choice,'' that Shayna's nomination was met with disbelief, and that Rosann, by Ramsay's own standards, performed worse than Matt, the obvious choice for elimination is...Shayna? My God, could that make any less @#&$% sense?)
Your turn, fish sticks. Just how calculated was the decision to keep Matt around, considering he's never once succeeded at anything except for mouth enemas? Is ''mouth enemas'' the worse thing I've ever typed in one of these? What was more manipulative and offensive: the Corey-Louross non-event or making us think Julia was coming back this week when in fact they were just competitively emasculating Matt? Do we want any of these people to win at this point? How did this show piss me off so much so fast? And what, exactly, could they do to save it now?
