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With immunity gone, the winning quickfire team's ''advantage,'' as Padma called it, was the choice to create a menu for either the bride or the groom. ''They picked the bride,'' said an astonished Spike. ''I'm like, 'What, are you guys completely moronic, or you got like balls to the wall.' I don't understand. Like she is going to want this moment to be exactly the way she envisioned it since she was 14 years old. The food, the decor, the f---ing wedding cake.'' Okay, you've provoked the feminazi in me: Just because there's a show around called Bridezillas doesn't mean the guy isn't going to be a pill. It could really go either way. Okay, back to my zen place. Team Potatoes (bride) was cooking comfort food: steak, pizza, chicken nuggets, pulled pork, potatoes. Team Tomatoes (groom) was going for Italian: bruschetta, sea bass, antipasti.

A moment later, I learned where they got that clip in last week's preview in which Andrew said, ''I'm having a culinary boner.'' It was so out of context that I thought the editors just threw it in for laughs. But it turns out that he becomes aroused by all-night catering jobs. He said he can work 14 hours straight without any problems. Though Richard later (hilariously) noted that ''lack of sleep affects people differently. Andrew stops talking at a certain point, which is unique for Andrew.''

By the morning, sleep deprivation had them all looking haggard. Antonia felt like she was in the army peeling potatoes. (Just for the record, it's 1:30 a.m. as I write this, and my day started more than 20 hours ago. No sympathy needed. I'm just saying.) Judge Colicchio came in for a look at their progress. Everything seemed to be okay, with the exception of Lisa's groom's cake. ''You know, she has a good excuse for it not looking so great,'' said Colicchio. ''She said the groom wanted his cake to be very simple. Well, I hope he didn't say ugly, because that's what we have. It almost looks like a battleship of some sort.'' It is the Wedding Wars after all, Tom. Sheesh.

As the ceremony kicked off, I wondered how Corey and J.P. got hooked into such a situation. They're restaurateurs, so you'd think they'd be antsy about something like this — but if you were offered free grub, free cake, and presumably free wine courtesy of Clois du Bois, it might seem worth saving your cash for some kind of culinary backpacking honeymoon. When the food came out, I certainly could have gone for some of that short rib wrapped in phyllo dough, prosciutto pizza, steak with horseradish sauce, or sea bass. Even though fatigue had momentarily slowed Andrew's tongue, his team was playing it safe: Antonia announced that ''Andrew's not allowed to talk to the guests. Seriously.'' Love it. As the service went on and the invitees and judges (the guest judge was Gale Gand, a renowned pastry chef in Chicago) sampled everything, things started to look grim for Team Tomatoes. Stephanie got kudos for her cake, which was simply elegant. ''I have to give it up for the two ladies who made cakes,'' Spike later said to Lisa and Stephanie (which is huge for someone who's not usually a class act). ''Honestly, I definitely wouldn't have had any clue on how to make it look like that.''

NEXT: You say tomato, I say potato...


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