'American Idol': How to Fix It

Something is wrong with American Idol, and here's the surprise: American Idol knows it. It's not the ratings; they're down, but after nearly six years, a plunge was inevitable. And it's not the contestants: Some past seasons may have showcased more talent, but this year's final sing-off on May 20 will almost surely be livelier than last year's Jordin-Sparks-vs.-beatbox-guy minor-league championship, or 2006's clash of the titans between Soul Patrol and McWhatshername.

The problem is that this year, more than ever, Idol seems to view itself as a worn-out machine. You can hear the cynicism when Simon Cowell, in a tone of bored royalty, praises a contestant's ''smart'' song choice after they caterwaul about God or America in order to avoid weepily waving farewell while Ruben Studdard ominously ''celebrates'' them home. Simon isn't complimenting them; he's announcing that he thinks the show's phoning and texting voters are dull, easily herded sheep who listen half-attentively for ''values'' buzzwords, and he's congratulating the singers for realizing they can game the system. And the system — rather than a fun alternative to it — is what American Idol now represents.

Yes, it's still a monster, but the Frankenstein stitches are showing. You can see the strain each time Ryan Seacrest manfully glues on his ''earnest'' expression while explaining yet again that Paula Abdul is a valued member of the Idol family, even though the night before, her head appeared to fall off her shoulders and roll down the aisle like a bowling ball as she judged a song Jason Castro hadn't sung yet. You can spot the malaise when the camera catches the judging panel staring into space or looking anywhere but the stage. And you can sense the grimness of every taped segment in which a contestant mumbles some strenuously coached niceties about how Andrew Lloyd Webber is ''the dude'' or Neil Diamond is ''amazing,'' even as their body language suggests that they are about to endure the equivalent of a very long car trip to Grandma's.

With their annual repetition, some of the things that have always been irritating about Idol seem even more so: the carnival of Day of the Locust fame whores that parades through the audition shows, the prepackaged backstories (Brooke's a nanny! Kristy Lee likes horsies!), Simon's continued criticism of performers as ''too Broadway'' when, with a few well-known exceptions, musical theater is basically the only viable showbiz destination for most Idol alums. Those elements probably can't be fixed. But here are some that can:

1. Tone down the product placement.
Tell Ford and Coke that if they want to buy an ad, they can buy an ad. Not redecorate the red room with bottle silhouettes, and not drag the contestants through another cruddy commercial while all lyric-botching evidence implies they should be rehearsing. American Idol is still TV's top show; would the whole enterprise really cave in if Fox stopped treating it like a QVC infomercial?

NEXT: ''Dolly Parton rules, but did so many of this season's greats have to be older than Dumbledore?''

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