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Cristián de la Fuente and Cheryl: 56/60 Add Cheryl's silver, wearable-art Viennese waltz dress to that list as well — she literally looked like the ''satellite'' their song was supposed to be about. The tasty, one-armed Chilean sea bass of a man scored straight 9s for the waltz, which Bruno insisted had a ''wow factor.'' This was definitely the term of the night, which made me feel confused and like a bit of a party pooper because I barely ever thought ''wow'' to myself except when the camera panned backstage and I saw that Samantha Harris is still being allowed to interview humans, liiiiiiiiive!
Anyway, I recall the C&C Ballroom Factory's samba much better, because it was so much fun and so well choreographed that I almost forgot he had a bum arm. But you and I both know the main reason I enjoyed and remembered the samba better was C&C's side-by-side booty-shaking sequence at the top of the platform. I know it's not complicated choreography and pretty much the definition of dumbing a dance down, but this type of crowd-pleasing junk is one of many elements lacking from season 6. After the samba failed to rupture a tendon in Cristián's good arm, Carrie Ann likened him to Emmitt ''Twinkle Toes'' Smith (in da house!) and DANCMSTR whipped out the rare food simile: ''That was hotter than a chili pepper, my Chilean friend.'' He was the only judge not to score Cristián a 10 for the samba. I think it was really because during the DANCMSTR teaching segment, Cristián hilariously scored Len and Cheryl a 7 but didn't say it with Len's signature ''seh-ven!'' inflection.
Jason Taylor and Edyta: 55/60 Huge pancake hands down, the best part of Jason and Edyta's performance last night was their adorable ''game-plan strategy'' segment, involving Edyta laying down the law as a naughty schoolteacher/coach with a penchant for leg warmers. Re: Kristi: ''Picture her as a quarterback.'' Re: Cristián, Jason's boy: ''There is no time for friendship.'' The pair lucked out with the fox-trot and the paso doble — perfect for Jason, who's had trouble with the quicker-paced Latin dances that involve more dancing out of hold. I really liked their fox-trot, or maybe I was just in a hazy, dreamlike state after noting that more than 30 percent of Edyta's skin was swathed in pretty pastel fabric. Jason even sort of got into character, straightening his tie and acting all uppity when Edyta suddenly faced away from him. I know: I'm stretching here, but it's something!
I wasn't wild about Jason's paso, which did earn a 27; considering the inflated scores across the board, a 27 is pretty much akin to ''average'' at this point. I don't personally care when there are illegal floor-spinning lifts because I find them less impressive than when they're executed correctly, but this dance definitely had one. And aside from some unexpectedly quick hip swiveling for a few beats, I didn't think we saw anything new from the star Bruno said has ''the strength and momentum of Iron Man.'' Ooh, topical! But that's not all: DANCMSTR joked that Jason was ''a bit like the price of gas — you're going up!'' Ha! Current affairs! And then Jason took it even further, promising Samantha that if people voted for him, he'd lower taxes, provide free health care to everyone, and bring home the troops (adding that he really wishes he could do the last one). Then he said, word for word, ''I get to dance, which I didn't really want to do. But I'm here now, so I'm doing it.'' And there you have it: This candidate's ringing endorsement for Marissa and Cristián.
NEXT: The judges' rumba rumble
