Marissa Jaret Winokur and Tony: 52/60 Marissa is nowhere near the skill level of the other three, which means she got scored two very, very scary...[shudder]...8s. Breathe; it's okay. During a taped visit from Stacy Keibler, the girls ganged up on Tony and his asexuality for no apparent reason (Marissa later expressed concern to Samantha that she should have seen when they ''made so much fun of him,'' and everyone watching or listening, including Sam, was like, ''We did.'') The quickstep was the pair's better dance, even though Marissa's long red-violet dress rivaled last week's pewter nightmare and Sabrina's season 5 Grimace gown for the most unflattering garment ever. The judges acknowledged the difficulty of the dance but took points away for a missed jeté. (I know the word jeté!)
Marissa's rumba was slow and boring (except for a fun wardrobe malfunction at the end), but even more painful was its gruesome aftermath. The judges engaged in a collective hissy fit debating the ''wow factor'' of the rumba — after Carrie Ann started out with a dreadful ''Ohhhhhhh, Marissa...'' and said the dance did nothing for her, DANCMSTR condescended to Carrie Ann by using her name while sitting right next to her. (This is very effective, and annoying.) Bruno lobbed a halfhearted compliment about how Marissa ''sustained a lovely backbend,'' a comment so ridiculous that C.A. had to snap, ''It's not exciting enough at this stage! Come on, you guys have high standards for everybody else.'' Now, the judges criticizing each other for their questionable and constantly shifting ''standards'' is ludicrous, but C.A.'s definitely right — at least in my opinion, the rumba is barely ever exciting on this show. Off with its head, I say! And I kind of wanted to lop off Marissa's head, Queen of Hearts-style, when she pleaded with the audience: ''Keep voting for us because we deserve to be here!'' If only Super Mario, equipped with Fire Flower balls, was lurking behind the poo-colored trains of Sam's ill-conceived dress. Wow, Annie, awesome visual all around. What better way to end the column?
How about this? Doesn't it look like they're standing effortlessly atop a body of liquid, à la Jesus and/or Peter Sellers in Being There (and/or, by that extension, Charlize Theron in Arrested Development)? You heard it here first: The C&C Ballroom Factory will save us all!
What do you think? Does Marissa deserve to be there? In what universe? Should the judges have scored some of the dancers lower than an 8? And which stars do you think will make the most entertaining final three?
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