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Hell's Kitchen opened its doors tonight with a newly focused Rosann, a Matt determined to win, and a Ben who was more laid back than...well, I'm not sure what Chef Ramsay said. (Ironing board? Dining board?) But it wasn't long before things started to break down: Rosann cooked the scallops unevenly (''Do it for Staten Island!'' Matt said to encourage her and make me wonder if anyone since the Continental Army has ever used Staten Island as a rallying point before), and Louross was having a hard time with the eggs. Once the Red Team got its entrees rolling out, Jen said something to the team about not firing something, and Ramsay yelled at her for calling tables. Or at least I think that's what went down — I've never cooked in a fake restaurant, so I don't know the lingo — but regardless, Jen did not take well to being chastised. She collapsed inward, accusing Ramsay of being on his period, and then moped around for the rest of the night. ''I've always known Jen would undo Jen,'' Christina said. Oh, Christina. Is there anything you don't know?
Rosann undercooked the langoustine; Ramsay threw the poor dead shellfish at Matt and screamed at everyone. Next door, the men weren't communicating, a fact Ben blamed on his not being used to the ''brigade system,'' despite the fact that this is their seventh dinner service and his biggest problem seemed to be the inability to cook meat in a timely fashion. It was around here that I decided my favorite part of this show is the calm right before the storm of Gordon really letting the spittle fly; he just sort of squints and cocks his head, as if he couldn't believe the donkey in front of him had the audacity to say whatever it said, and then he unleashes hell. It's fascinating to me. I still can't believe this dude doesn't have more health issues. ''You're so f---ing sad,'' he screamed at Ben, as Matt quietly taunted his nemesis from the other kitchen. Then Ramsay said something about Dr. Phil I didn't catch, but I get the idea he doesn't like Dr. Phil much.
A couple people did things right: Christina cooked perfect beef. (''Thank you, chef!'' she chirped. ''F--- the thank you — just concentrate,'' he replied. ''Don't start peein' your f---ing knickers.'') Matt somehow pulled it together to make the best risotto in the history of HK. (!!!) But the diners on the Blue side were eating granola bars to stay alive, and Ben was still struggling (+1 for his use and possible coinage of the term ''flusterf---ed''). The final straw? Rosann sent out more raw stuff (thus disappointing her daughter, and possibly all of Staten Island), Jen got accused of having an attitude (and started bitching about being disrespected), and Ben's Wellingtons came back bloody. Chef Ramsay kicked a trash can and SHUT-TIT DOWN.
NEXT: Matt's revenge
