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1 The Oscars Telecast
Tasteful (except for Madonna's
butt-wiggling), low-key (except for Lakota translation), and fair
(except to Martin Scorsese).
2 Michael Jackson-san
Has Sony ever heard of ''haggling''? For $108
million they could have given every American family a Betamax.
3 Hey, Mr. Bo Jackson
Bo knows pain, but don't worry about the
endorsement money. If Nike doesn't want him, Bufferin will.
4 Simpsons Illustrated
All the fun of reading without the
intellectual stigma.
5 LAPD Police Cheif Daryl Gates
Fifteen-to-one he won't stay in
office. Where have I heard those numbers before?
6 Well-Known Gossip Queen Goes National?
We love Liz Smith with a
very special love, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
7 L.A. Law Shafts Rosalind
Leland, wake up! You're having a bad
dream!
8 Kobe Beef
Spending $100 on a Japanese steak is like going
first-class on Greyhound.
9 Defending Your Life
Ever watch someone belly flop off the high
board to impress a girl? It was Albert Brooks.
10 Homemade Erotic Videos
Best-selling porno cassettes of the
coupling next door.
11 Those Wacky Trumps
Thank God for the $300,000 child support. I
was afraid those kids wouldn't have a normal childhood.
12 Wrestlemania VII
Special Olympics for the gullible. I think
it's real, don't you?
13 Delta Bita Pot
Kick me for missing Pledge Week at party school
U.Va.
14 American Gradnstand
On Fox's Yearbook, pregnancy is a talent.
At least Dick Clark's teens knew how to dance.
15 Honus Wagner Baseball Card
Wayne Gretsky's gonna have a heart
attack if someone finds one up in the attic.
