Chelsea and Thayne were the first fashion victims from the talent pool. Nice concept from choreographer Mandy Moore: ''a king and his forbidden love.'' Dud duds from the costume department. Pinstripes and an Elizabethan cuff? We do not need the Shakespearean Insult Generator to tell us they looked like addle-brained coxcombs. Pity is, they danced like it too. They were awkward, disconnected, and as Nigel pointed out (before he set about rending their garments), not believable, a dis he dropped on several couples throughout the night.
While we're on the subject of couples that didn't pull it together, Chris and Comfort need to be called out for a krump that utterly lacked authority — a serious error for Comfort. She's supposedly the best B-girl Nigel's seen, right? What happened? Either she pulled her punches to lessen the distinction between her and her partner — which would be terribly magnanimous — or she had an off night. Chris, on the other hand, didn't deserve Nigel's ''My granny is more gangster than you.'' The guy worked hard. It showed. I take far greater issue with Comfort's B+ performance, than Chris's B–. Besides, it's kinda hard to project badass when your floppy handkerchief keeps getting in your eyes (Bad costume department! Bad!).
The Worst Pair of the Night stink bomb, however, goes to Susie and Marquis. Confession time: I have absolutely no idea how or why Susie made it to the top 20. There were clearly far more talented dancers, so why pick someone so patently limited? To be fair, no one was more shocked than I was when Susie squeaked through the waltz last week. Unfortunately, I'm sure no one was more shocked than choreographer Alex Da Silva to discover that his Cuban firecracker ''is not really a salsa dancer. She does street salsa.'' Hardly, man. That's generous. This number started badly. Susie and Marquis were out of sync from the beginning, with her appearing to forget the choreography for a moment. Their whip turns were clunky, she had trouble pulling up out of her split, and they didn't even look like they were in the same routine until those last 20 seconds, after the lift. Even with Mary saying Marquis had to coax Susie through her turns, and Nigel dropping the word ''labored,'' the jidges were still way too kind. Bottom line: Team Mambo deserves the bottom three.
But enough of the bad, let's get to the good — which is to say, just about everybody else. Chelsie and Mark's Argentine tango, for instance, was superb. Beautiful lines, great partnering (in spite of a shoe emergency!), it was six different kinds of sexy. At least it was for Mark, who fully committed to the smolder. Chelsie, well...she's technically fantastic, but is she grossed out by Mark? Is that it? Because I could swear she said that the worst thing about him is that he's loud and ''ugly.'' Did she use that word? I'm hearing impaired (no, f'real), so I could be very, very wrong. But it sounded like it. And she does grimace when he gets close. Then again, she's 18 and he's 24, so maybe she's weirded out by the Hayden-and-Milo-ness of it all.
NEXT: Will, you be mine
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