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Talk about kicking things off with a bang. In what was certainly a familiar scenario for one Nancy Botwin — multiple guns pointing every which way — the proverbial s--- hit the fan within the first two nail-biting minutes of this episode of Weeds. Celia, ever the sloppy sleuth, found herself quaking in the presence of Guillermo, who seemed to take pleasure in mocking her to submission with that trademark scowl. Only one way out of this mess: a statement by not the greatest character witness, Nancy. ''She's with me,'' Nancy blurted as safeties were unlatched. ''Isn't that how it works around here? Nobody tells anybody anything?''
Impressive on-the-spot logic (especially for a stoner), but was it enough to call off Guillermo's big guns? Nope. Pistol slaps to the face for Celia and a dude she hilariously called ''F---o'' showed that she meant business. Nancy then gave Guillermo the sort of verbal contract that definitely counts: ''It's on me.''
Surely it didn't take long into their car ride for Nancy to rip into the now badly bruised Celia, but first things first: She had to pick up Andy from the drug drop point. Unable to reach him via cell, Nancy recapped the situation on his voice mail: ''Celia Hodes is sitting next to me in the car, all the way from Agrestic. How did she get here? I don't know, but when I hear the unbelievably stupid reason that comes out of her mouth, I'm gonna f---in' kill her, so there may be a dead body in the car when I get there. That's just a heads-up.''
Of course, by this point, Andy had sweated off the little body fat he had by marching toward freedom in the hot desert sun with a group of illegals. His only sustenance: a marzipan treat in the shape of a pig (which looked eerily similar to the ginormous airborne version that Roger Waters let loose at this year's Coachella music festival, but I digress). Nevertheless, Andy found a way to have fun with the hike, by chatting up a pregnant Honduran woman, who seemed perfectly sweet, at least when speaking English. Something you definitely could not say about their humorless bastard of a troop leader, who violently stripped Andy of his remaining six dollars and treasured limited-edition belt buckle in exchange for a ride on the pudding express.
Meanwhile, back at home, elder brother Silas was high on a newly found space that could easily be repurposed for a grow room. But killing his buzz, aside from baby Botwin Shane's halfhearted attempt to discourage him, was a swarm of bees accidentally awoken from their honeycomb. No wonder the real estate agents were pricing the house on a lower scale — who wants to inherit a massive beehive? Ah, but boys will be boys (and, yes, that includes Doug Wilson), and sometimes they suffer consequences that sting. Still, props to Shane for negotiating a cut of Silas' business in the de-beeing process.
And while we're on the topic of consequences, let's return to the car, where Celia spilled her sordid tale of starting out the victim of a frame job, then landing in jail, becoming someone's bitch, and eventually turning into a DEA informant. None of which seemed to make a strong impression on Nancy, who was temporarily overwhelmed by emotion when she reached her designated meeting spot with Andy and found only the cooler. ''Everything's my fault,'' she cried in another voice-mail message. Meltdown or moment of clarity?
Nancy's next revelation — accepting Celia's forgiveness for previous crimes, while also cursing her karma (and, lest we forget, closing the car window on Celia's neck and dragging her in circles) — would steer you toward the latter. But there was still the bigger problem at hand: Celia's alliance with the cops. Nancy's temporary solution? To ''sit silently, and let me try to figure out how to save our asses on the way to the mall.''
NEXT: Andy the action hero
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