'The Hills' season premiere recap: Friend triangle
The Hills is back, y'all! Er, I'm sorry, about 5 minutes of The Hills was back last night, as the other 25 were filled with commercials. What was up with that? Every time I thought we were returning to our show, another one of those dang Taco Bell commercials where the dudes rap at the drive-through came back on! Granted those guys have more vocal talent than Heidi ever will, but that's a whole other kind of commentary, right?
On to more important subjects, like Lauren's love life. Raise your hand if you weren't already aware that Doug Reinhardt, Lauren's former high school flame (uh, yeah, how come that wasn't shown on Laguna Beach?), was going to re-enter her orbit this season? If you are raising your hand, then shame on you! How could you not keep up with all of the Hills gossip during its hiatus? Your punishment is to use the word ''like'' at least 20 times in one sentence, and then watch this video of Doug explaining how he met Lauren so you can catch up. (Please, though, disregard the spoilers about how he also went on a ''date'' with Stephanie Pratt, as we will definitely discuss that later on down this TV Watch road.)
Last night's episode began at People's Revolution, where Lauren gushed to Whitney about her upcoming date with Doug. ''Doug is such a good name,'' Whitney said, and I laughed because it's such a girl thing to comment on the quality of boy's name. Lauren noted that the last guy she had gone on more than one date with was Brody, and then she and Whitney exchanged giddy smiles. See, the statuesque blonde could totally pull off her own spin-off she knows exactly how to express emotions by only using her eyes.
Cut to Lauren and Doug's dream date at the Red Pearl Kitchen. The duo had literally just sat down and ordered drinks, and Doug said, ''You still look gorgeous. Can we do this again sometime?'' I mean, if that's what ordering a Fuzzy Dragon gets you, then sign me up for the Lauren Conrad School of Dating. We didn't get to see much else of this first date (er, not sure what it is called if they'd gone out before a re-first date?) other than Lauren inviting her new beau over to the château for Audrina's birthday party. ''Is she a good friend of yours?'' he asked, and she replied, ''Yeah, she's one of my best friends.'' Uh, how would you not have already known that, Doug? Have you not been introduced to the concept of Google yet? If not, then please do us all a favor and go search for the words ''Lauren'' and ''sex tape'' right away.
On the other hand, maybe he should refrain from digging up Lauren's past, because it seems that she may have finally moved on from the drama surrounding that rumored sex tape. Instead, she's jumped right into a different body of troubled water: her living situation. Let's face it: Her roomies, Audrina and Lo, are like oil and water, navy blue and black, heck, even Brenda and Kelly. They are just not meant to go together. ''Lo's always super bitchy, that's just how she is,'' Audrina said to her coworker Chiara after discussing whether or not Lo was involved in the planning of her birthday. Cut to the scene later on right before Lauren left for her date. She said somewhat enthusiastically (or was it sarcastically?) to Lo, ''I think you and Audrina should have fun tonight,'' and Lo just rolled her eyes and responded with ''Yeah, well...''
Lo continued giving apathetic attitude toward Audrina all throughout the pool party. Even when Lauren insisted that Lo be friendly, she wouldn't budge, preferring to play with the dog rather than socialize with the crowd Audrina had invited (zoom in on the guy with the hot pink mohawk who was being thrown into the pool leather jacket and all). ''This is a disaster,'' Lauren confessed to good ol' Frankie about the turmoil. ''Maybe they shouldn't be friends,'' he said, and I agree. I know I stated my opinion about this during last season's finale, but really, what is with this forcing-roommates-to-be-besties business? I get that Lauren wants three's company instead of three's a crowd, but hey, if that won't work, then there's no use in forcing it.
NEXT: The peace conference