First things first: Last week I began the column by defending Jerry, and was blasted by readers for being overly forgiving. Apparently live feed watchers get a very different picture of him, and considered me an ignorant judge of character. It was as if I was walking around, saying, "You know, people are being awfully judgmental about this Hitler guy. Why don't you cut him a break? What's that? Why, no, I've never read a book about WWII. What's your point?" So, no more Jerry defenses tonight. I've learned my lesson.
Sunday's show began with the housemates completely befuddled by the presence of a giant sumo wrestler. The visitor would occasionally stand up and stomp his feet, revealing a very flat letter underneath him. In the BB tradition of houseguests overreacting to minor threats, Dan, steeling his courage to grab the envelope out from under the wrestler, said, "Please don't crush me, please don't end my life..." Oh, so this is what Big Brother contestants mean when they say they signed on to be on the show for the "experience"; they want to live life to the fullest by dodging slow-moving, overweight, half-naked extras! Thank you, stereotyped day player who probably got paid $200 to sit on an envelope. Because of you, I'M ALIVE! FOR THE FIRST TIME, I'M REALLY ALIVE!
The letter mentioned a mysterious prize to be won at a later luxury competition, which was all about puzzles and the reappearance of Jessie! Mischievously dressed in a gorilla suit, he appeared in the yard, ran into the diary room, ripped off his mask, and announced, "It's time for a rude awakening, and I'm dishing it out this time. How does that sound?" Why, it sounds like a horribly mixed metaphor! Good to have you back, you semi-literate, nap-happy boob!
Jessie tore through the house, wreaking havoc. And by "havoc," I mean tossing Memphis' hat on the floor. This was actually very realistic monkey behavior. Who could forget the stirring "Panama-hat tossing" scene in Gorillas in the Mist? Or was it Dunston Checks In? Either way, the behavior mystified the perennially mystified roomies. "It was so surreal that I'm like, 'What is going on right now?'" said a flabbergasted Keesha. Hey, that's just what Fay Wray said in King Kong! Or was that line from The Barefoot Executive?
Scattered about the lawn were random objects like a giant blueberry statue and a bathtub with what looked like a man buried in pâté inside. There was also a contortionist, about whom Dan said, "If there were any single guys in the house, they would all be going after that contortionist!" I did see Jerry looking longingly at her, but I suspect he was just thinking, "Wow, if I could bend like that, just imagine how easily I could scratch my goiter." (Woohoo, I'm piling on Jerry! How do you like me now, TV Watchers?)
NEXT: Phraseology
You Might Also Like
- 'BIG BROTHER' EXIT Q&A 'Big Brother' exit Q&A: Angie Swindell | Lynette Rice
- Television News The Ultimate Week of TV for Aug. 3-9
