'Big Brother': Renegade Kids

JERRY-BUILT The former Marine tried to stick it out, but never made an alliance that could help him win

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Watching the final HOH challenge on last night's Big Brother was like watching a recording of a baseball game where you already know the outcome; even though this was live, what other possible way could it have turned out? The only way Jerry could have won was if the competition had been "Who can be the biggest cranky, sexist jerk?" (As you can see, I'm still sucking up to the message-board regulars who were so angry at my recent empathy for Jerry. Boooo, Jerry!)

On Tuesday's recap, I wrote that Dan was playing Memphis by staging scenarios that made Memphis look bad: After Keesha got bounced, Dan yelled to his partner, "You're out of your mind if you think I'm taking you!" I've been rethinking that, and I've realized that it wasn't a bad thing for Memphis. The only person who heard it was Jerry, who was already grateful to Memphis for saving him. So Dan's rage wouldn't bother Jerry. In fact, Dan's open anger that Keesha left instead of Jerry would only cement his predisposition to vote for Memphis in a final two. Granted, that would have changed had Memphis been the one to later ding Jerry, but nevertheless, I wanted to amend my opinion. (As you can see, I'm still sucking up to any message-board regulars who thought I was wrong. Boooo, me!)

Later, talking to Julie, Jerry did sound like he'd caught on to their secret alliance, but when the episode began, he seemed like he was buying their rift. "If one of them wins the HOH, they'll take me to the final two," he told the diary room, and then stopped and opened his eyes wide and seemed to go into some sort of trance. What was wrong? Did he have the epiphany at that moment that he was being played for a fool? Or was he suffering from a sudden medical condition? I expected him to snap out of it and say, "Sorry, folks, my liver just shut down. Give me a minute to take off my hat, because I always swore I would never have any organ failure that might disgrace the Corps."

During the first round of the final HOH challenge, as everyone balanced on their plane, we were treated to a master class in overacting. First there was the forced anger. When Memphis taunted Dan with tales of his college days balancing on things with his frat brothers (and if you're wondering why he ended up as a mixologist, I think it may be due to the fact that the only thing on his résumé is "Special Skills: Balancing!"), Dan blasted back, "Did you stab them in the back, too?" When Memphis dropped (which was the plan between him and Dan), he lay on the mat, trying to look angry with himself. The only thing that could have made his performance less convincing would be if he'd actually said, "Now I am angry at myself." But Dan went that extra, obvious mile, falling off in staged victory and saying to himself, "Oh, my God, I did it." I'm surprised he didn't then walk up to Memphis, shake his fist, and say, "I have defeated you, man who is most definitely not an ally! We are such strangers that I'm not entirely sure of your name. Is it Mumford, sir?"

NEXT: It's a knock out