But would their lack of leadership continue to kill them in the challenges? It certainly looked that way for the reward competition in round 1 when Matty and G.C. could not remove Ace from his pole position. Let me just say this: G.C.'s effort bordered on the pathetic. He just stopped! Didn't even try to pull. This came on the heels of the first immunity challenge when he stopped digging for puzzle pieces. Look, I don't mean to pick on you, dude — although you do make it pretty damn easy by referring to yourself as "G.C.," which for some reason keeps reminding me of that Eddie Murphy film, The Golden Child — but get in the freakin' game! In fact, at this point in time I would dare say that The Golden Child is a better movie than you are a Survivor contestant, and need I remind you — Golden Child completely sucks! You, however G.C. (if that is even your real name, and it is not, because your real name is Danny), are competing at an Adventures of Pluto Nash or even Norbit level so far. Did you see Norbit?!? Do you understand the urgency of what I am saying here? Pick it up, bro.
G.C.'s patheticness notwithstanding, Fang managed to rally in round 2, due in no small part to Ace insisting Paloma be the one to try to hold on to the pole, and some extreme smack talk from Randy ("You're done! You're done! You're done!") and Crystal ("Get some!"). When it came to round 3, Fang didn't even bother sending G.C. out again, opting for Crystal instead. (Dude, Norbit.) And wouldn't you know it? Fang won! That is not a misprint. The leaderless, rice-devouring, non-hidden-immunity-idol-finding Fang tribe won a damn challenge! And with it came blankets, pillows, a hammock, and the power to send one Kota member to Exile Island (again, not an island). And that member was Sugar.
Before we knew it, Sugar was in the jungle beginning to strip after being covered in fire ants. What is this, Cinemax? Judging by her next line of dialogue — "Sandy crater. This is hard." — the answer is most definitely yes, this is Cinemax. Survivor After Dark, baby! Bring it on! Wait...no, don't cry, Sugar. No, no, it's okay. Don't start thinking about your father. Get back to removing that pesky buff. C'mon, baby, focus....Oh, forget it! The mood is completely ruined. Dammit! I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Sugar actually broke into tears during a few of her press interviews before the game began, although not with me because I was too busy demeaning both her and myself by making her reenact some of her favorite pin-up poses. (You can see them here if you want.) I can't say I blame her, of course. I have yet to lose a parent and I'm sure it takes a heavy toll. Just wished it had happened after she removed all of her clothing. (Another interesting Sugar note: When I was at camp, she felt up both Corinne and Kelly's boobs and then asked Corinne to check her crotch for ticks. No crying then.)
NEXT: Idol times
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