This past week, Cher and Janet Jackson announced concert delays. Below, we analyze the ''official'' reported causes of notable show cancellations.
BRITNEY SPEARS 2004
Knee injury
Symptoms: muscle weakness due to dangerous lack of essential Cheeto
vitamin; overwhelming urge to procreate with backup dancer.
AMY WINEHOUSE 2007
Incarceration of husband
Symptoms: beehive-colony-collapse disorder; sudden rash of hubby-related
tattoos.
AVRIL LAVIGNE 2008
Acute laryngitis
Symptoms: virulent outbreak of mall pox; eyeliner-induced conjunctivitis.
ASHLEE SIMPSON 2008
Pregnancy
Symptoms: accelerated growth of babee in womb; spasms of glee from
stealing older sister's headlines.
JANET JACKSON 2008
Undisclosed illness
Symptoms: severe whiplash following abrupt divorce from record label; a
reversion to Good Times persona Penny.
CHER 2008
Bronchitis
Symptoms: feathers on Bob Mackie costumes molting; hallucinations of
Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves.
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- Monitor Monitor | Simon Vozick-Levinson
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- Music News Amy Winehouse at Glastonbury
