Toni Braxton and Alec: 22/30 Note to DWTS musical masterminds: Michael Jackson songs are fab, but do not belong paired with West Coast swings. Note to DWTS judges: Michael Jackson songs practically demand the incorporation of the moonwalk, and you know that, so stop frontin' like you didn't want that move corrupting Toni and Alec's janky swing. That dance was pretty much all over the place, but the best parts were a dramatic spinning lift (ooooooh!) and the exact same final pose that Cristián de la Fuente did with Cheryl last season after he became a one-armed wonder. Basically, Toni's putting way too much pressure on herself to ''have a breakthrough'' this season. She reminds me of season 5's Jennie Garth — so cute and so capable, but ultimately not that exciting and always, always wrapped up in her own head during performances. She needs to just let loose — something that I'm not sure her partner Alec has much experience with either, at least in terms of teaching. So I'll bet we never see Toni roar out of her shell, to be honest. But girlfriend sure can rock a pair of black spangly ankle warmers and a backless dress! By the way, Alec: ''The Way You Make Me Feel'' is...unflexible.
Lance Bass and Lacey: 21/30 Day-um! That was my basic reaction to the way the judges pummeled Lacey after their West Coast swing — it was the first dance of the night, and Dopey, Grumpy, and Randy all had their predetermined barbs sharpened and ready to launch. What they said was valid, but it sounded so scripted and forced it just made me uncomfortable. They bring the West Coast swing specialist on the show, they serve her that dance on a silver-sequined platter on a night seemingly designed to showcase her unique talent, and then they totally rip her apart for showing off? What exactly did they expect? Lacey does need to focus on making Lance look good instead of herself, but West Coast swing typically does feature the woman spinning wildly around the more stationary man. Still, I wasn't really feeling their swing, partly because I couldn't get past Lacey's ''sparkly secretary'' costume...wait, whoa, I could easily be that for Halloween. But I think I'll be the mirrorball trophy instead. Three years running! My favorite part of this dance, unfortunately, was the delicious contradiction between Lance's eventual tumble toward the end, and the lyric ''I ain't trippin'.'' Song, you a liar!
Clorky: 21/30 After 82 years of livin' large, Oscar winner, eight-time Emmy winner, and revered stage veteran Cloris Leachman has finally shimmied her way to the role of a lifetime: ''Skanky Ho'' on Dancing With the Stars. Brava! I thought Our Lady of Cheese looked great tonight in that red-and-black rosette-splattered gown with the hot black stockings. (Those make everyone's legs look good — why doesn't the show capitalize on this more often?) Much of the C&C Mueslix Factory's salsa consisted of Corky pullin' a tight hug from behind. Occasionally, he thrusted. I'm not so into that. But Cloris pulled off some impressive rolls and spins — as Bruno put it, she ''actually did a salsa.'' It's hilarious that this was her highest praise and something I marked down as ''notable.'' Carrie Ann's choice comment was much more catty: ''You make us forget it's a dance competition.'' Oh, and did anyone else think DANCMSTR was way older than 64? Have another smoke, Gramps.
Last week, The Chmerkovisionary stopped by my rabbit hole of an office — press play below for Maks' commentary on the four new dances! Then go to Ausiello TV to see how Maks came to my rescue.
What do you think, dance masters? Did Lacey have it coming? Would you want to watch another performance show involving these four new dances? And did Tom mention next week's group hip-hop number as a subliminal plea for viewers to vote Cloris off before she can prove baby got back? Even if they do, are you as fearful for what's to come next week as Abby is over on TV Fan?
You Might Also Like
- Photo Gallery: 'Dancing With the Stars' 'DWTS': Costumes of the year! | Annie Barrett
- Pop Style: 'Dancing With the Stars' 'DWTS': Crazy costume watch! | Annie Barrett
