Artie Lange: 'F--- It, I'll Write a Book'

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ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: It's a bittersweet moment in the book when you admit that not every addicted artist is Robert Downey Jr. — maybe you're just Jeff Conaway.
ARTIE LANGE: [Laughs] That's exactly the point. I wish I was Robert Downey Jr. But one purpose of this book was to evolve. It's a more mature living to write a book, so we'll see what happens.

People are worried you're gonna die. Are you worried?
I never thought about it seriously until a couple of years ago. I thought, ''I'm hitting 40, and I'm really unhealthy — I shouldn't be this heavy.'' To tell you the truth, there are all these websites predicting my early death, and it's starting to work on me! I remember being 29, on the road, going, ''I'm going to drink all night, because if I die at 40, who gives a f---?'' But now I'm 41, and I wanna live. I'd love to meet a girl at this point. I feel very parental lately — I want a kid all of a sudden. I never wanted that before, but now, at 41, I want it, and I find it harder to get it. It's right there looking at me, and I can't get that life. It's frustrating.

You went to rehab in August, and you're sober now. How's it going?
I'm lucky that I've had work to focus on. That's what I've been doing. The book tour is a lot of work, but it'll keep my mind off drugs. I hate promising people s---, because I tend to disappoint them, but for now I'm staying on the wagon.

Are you worried if you stay clean, you'll stop being funny, because comedians need dark stuff to joke about?
Well, no, because I've done so much dark stuff that I think I've got enough till I retire. I've done enough that I could live like an Eagle Scout from today on and still have enough memories to generate a lot of material.

NEXT PAGE: Artie Lange shares his biggest comedy influences