'American Idol' recap: Finding Hacks in Cali

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I've got to say, I wish Fox had cut back on Tatiana, Jesús, and Kai, and extended the all-too-brief auditions from John Twiford, the hippie dude who sang ''Overjoyed''; Allison Iraheta, the teenager with the crayon-red hair who belted ''(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman''; and Raquel Houghton, the gorgeous 28-year-old who covered ''Son of a Preacher Man.'' None of 'em exactly struck me as Top 36 material (particularly Allison, who suffered several obvious voice cracks on the big notes), but it's hard to write off any contestant after less than 30 seconds of airtime. Even more peculiar was the way Fox repeatedly flashed images of the other five San Francisco auditioners who advanced to Hollywood, including the gorgeous black woman in the light blue-and-purple minidress, who was shown frequently enough going into and out of commercial breaks, that I suspect Idol's producers might be dropping hints that she'll be a prominent player later in the season. (Who's with me on that prediction?)

Why not let us hear a note or two from these talents? (And if it's because Idol couldn't clear certain audition numbers, then maybe it's time the show opened its oversize pocketbook and ponied up to clear a larger selection of songs!) Whatever the reason, it's galling to know we missed potentially good auditions when the so-called trainwrecks included a guy who — rampant wackiness alert! — wore a vintage plaid coat to his audition; an extremely nervous teenager who might have a shot at being named Rubik's Cube Idol; and another teen with a Muppet-like shock of orange hair who made for one heck of a one-man percussion section. (Okay, actually, I kinda dug that last kid in a weird way.)

Heck, if the show's editors needed to squeeze a little extra time from the hour, they could've cut in half that segment on Akilah Askew Gholston and her loopy medical jargon. I'll admit I got a few laughs from Akilah's audition, like when her monologue on the proper training of Gospel singers led into that day-into-night-into-morning montage. Better still, Akilah's malapropism about singing from the ''wrong rectum'' was almost as funny as her backhanded insult of Idol's wackiest judge (''Paula had a very hit song out in the early '80s when I was a child.''). But six minutes? Seriously? Especially when it's combined with all those ''Someone will be good! Someone will be bad!'' promos leading into and out of every ad break? And an entire segment playing up manufactured tensions between Kara and Simon? At this rate, I'm half expecting Fox to add insult to injury and start production on a line of overpriced novelty T-shirts, emblazoned with this catchy slogan: ''American Idol went to San Francisco, and all I got was this episode.''

Who else was disappointed by the San Francisco talent quotient? Is it possible Idol is saving all the great, talented singers for the final three audition episodes? Was anyone other than yours truly morbidly transfixed by Kara's atroshe gray shirt with the ''eternal sunshine of the cutout neckline'' details? How hard did you laugh when Paula called Adam ''the best we've seen in any city,'' after he revealed he'd attended one of her concerts? And lastly, who's ready for Hollywood Week already? Be sure to leave your thoughts in our comments section, and if you haven't yet seen it, press play below on the season premiere of Idolatry, featuring special guest star Melinda Freaking Doolittle! Yay!