'American Idol' Recap: Kentucky Blues

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I finally have another contestant to root against during Hollywood Week Go ahead, call me a cranky bastard, but being an Idol junkie isn't all that different from being a rabid sports fan. What would a Yankees fan be without the Red Sox to rail against? (Um, I'm almost out of sports analogies!) How much fun would Affirmed's 1978 Triple Crown bid have been without Alydar (and his fan base) dogging him all the way? (Yes! My first horse-racing reference of the season, and I didn't even have to stretch, given the Churchill Downs backdrop. Woot!)

On that note, I could not get my ears around what the judges loved about dueling-piano player Matt Giraud's aggressive vibrato on Gavin DeGraw's ''I Don't Want to Be.'' In fact, let me take this opportunity to have some fun with the title of Matt's musical selection. I don't want to be...hearing Simon compare Elliott Yamin's rich caramel tone to Matt's candy-corn imitation. I don't want to be...enduring week after week of a singer who sounds like he's imitating Justin Timberlake singing into a floor fan. I don't want to be...replaying the annoying way Matt displayed his Golden Ticket to the camera.

I finally got to enjoy a bad audition without any residual feelings of guilt Note to future Idol hopefuls: Take a lesson from Aaron ''WHOO'' Williamson on how to handle rejection with class. The guy was a riot, hooting and hollering his way into the judging room, then declaring his intent to be named ''America's Next Top Model,'' and while his cover of CCR's ''Have You Ever Seen the Rain'' was manic-bordering-on-insane, you've got to admit the dude would be great fun at a karaoke party.

We are now two-thirds of the way through season 8's auditions Which means that with only three hours to go next week (one hour each on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday), we're inching closer to expanded Hollywood Week coverage (three nights, as well as the top 36 announcement featuring the Elevator of Shame!) .

As for the evening's five Golden Ticket winners whom we have not yet discussed, I'd say the most promising were a pair from the blink-and-you'll-miss-'em montage: Kris Allen (dude with the plaid shirt and jaunty cap who performed ''A Song for You'') and Felicia Barton (buxom brunette who belted this season's contender for most overused track, ''Put Your Records On'').

And while I was charmed by fresh-faced mom Alexis Grace's pre-audition interview, I backed away after she rendered ''Doctor Feelgood'' darn near unrecognizable. Aretha's original is all about sexy, simmering restraint; Alexis's had all the subtlety of a car door slamming down on an unsuspecting pinky finger. Nothin' sexy about that, people, even if it did result in the most salacious critique of the night: Kara's ''Go home and make love to your fiancé.''

Interesting advice, Kara, though not nearly as inappropriate as the parents, friends, and relatives we saw tonight who inexplicably encouraged some truly abysmal vocalists to keep dreaming about achieving musical superstardom. I mean, look, my mother loves me unconditionally, but if I told her I was planning to max out my credit cards to buy thousands of dollars in MegaMillions tickets, would anyone think her unsupportive for hitting me upside the head with a (verbal) (or maybe actual) lead pipe? So why is it that the parents of yelping/gulping Tiffany Shedd, or the mother of sweet, misguided Rebecca Garcia (the woman Kara thought was joking with her rendition of ''Before He Cheats''), allowed their kids to humiliate themselves on national television?

Look at it this way: You know it's time to rethink your parenting strategy when Paula Abdul, looking like an Audrey Hepburn impersonator with her tight bun and royal blue, high-necked blouse, takes one listen to your daughter and gives the kind of blunt, sensible advice that you're simply unable to utter : ''Go to college.''

What did you think of the Louisville auditions? Are you ever irritated by the way Idol spoils the outcome of auditions by providing way too much info in its pre-commercial teasers? Were there any performers tonight you think you'll be rooting for come Hollywood Week? And what's your take on semi-pros like Joanna Pacitti?