Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from Jan. 16 to 22, 2009

''Second-semester seniors get a free pass, like pregnant ladies or 14-year-old Chinese gymnasts.''
—Blair (Leighton Meester), explaining how things work to the new teacher, on Gossip Girl

''I've had two men fight over me before. Usually it's over which one gets to hold the camcorder.''
—Meredith (Kate Flannery) on The Office

''Robin, I'm sorry. You're not a robot... I mean, if you are, you're like an incredibly advanced model and the human race doesn't stand a chance.''
—Marshall (Jason Segel), after insulting Robin by calling her a robot, on How I Met Your Mother

''You know, Joe, it's not the size of the Bible, it's the motion of the devotion.''
—Jon Stewart, after seeing Joe Biden get sworn in for his two-week Senate term on a giant Bible, on The Daily Show

''Ryan, I'm giving you a high five, but you can't see it either. Because I'm not doing it.''
—Paul F. Tompkins, commenting on Ryan Seacrest's attempt to high-five a blind American Idol contestant, on Best Week Ever

Originally posted Jan 23, 2009 Published in issue #1032-1033 Jan 30, 2009 Order article reprints