''Dude, it's not stalking. It's caring enough about someone to learn
things about them they won't tell you themselves.''
—Morgan (Joshua Gomez), on the semantics of spying on his girlfriend, on
Chuck
''You know the only thing you'd be good at hosting, Jon? The funeral of fun. No, you're right, I take that back. You know who'd be better at that? Hugh Jackman. The guy's amazing!''
—John Oliver, after explaining how much better an Oscar host Jackman was
than Jon Stewart, on The Daily Show
''I'm your fairy godmother, here to find you a daddy.''
—Patti Stanger, to the 1-year-old daughter of a single millionairess, on
The Millionaire Matchmaker
''I told you you'd never last without me! I said it was just a matter of
time and they'd yank you off the air, and I was right!''
—Andy Richter, visiting the last episode of Late Night With Conan O'Brien
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