'The Bachelor' recap: This is (Not) Your Wife

Jason's brothers are skeptical because DeAnna screwed Jason over before, and here comes another olive-skinned brunette who says she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. ''In the previous show he got DeAnna's dad's blessing,'' Sean tells Melissa. ''And without your parents... meeting him, potentially he's not going to propose.'' Papa Mesnick's resolve softens a little when Ty toddles out and says he wants to play with Melissa. ''You and Ty have such a magical chemistry going on, you know, to bring someone into your life like Melissa would only just make it explode even more than it is.'' Though I'm not 100 percent sure what he means, it's going to be hard for Molly to top an endorsement like that.

She's gonna give it a try, though. Here comes Molly bouncing out of the SUV, chipper, bright-eyed, and ''excited'' to meet Ty. Jason explains that Molly ''is not somebody who's been around little kids a lot,'' and it shows. Children are like dogs — they can smell fear — and Molly is giving off the unmistakable stench of terror. Ty won't give her a high-five or even say hi to her, but it doesn't really mean anything — he's three, and while he has more social skills than his father, sometimes he's bound to be cranky. ''I was freaking out,'' says Molly. ''But I just had to be confident and give it my best.'' Her best involves relentless smiling and nodding, and eventually Ty allows her to hold his hand as he romps in the water. Molly is almost convincing when she says, ''We're kind of a little family right now. This is how life could be, and it's so fun to think like that.'' (Good try, toots.)

Hopefully the Mesnick clan can be the tiebreaker. Jason takes Molly to meet the family, and she responds by turning her perky levels up to 11 — which is a little disturbing because her smile and eyes are so wide at this point, she's beginning to get crazy face. (And I know it's windy out there, but couldn't she have run a comb through her ponytail before entering the house?) Jason's brothers want to know if Molly's ready to transition into the life of a domesticated stepmom, and she says, ''F--- that! I'm packing the brat off to boarding school!'' Oh, wait, sorry — she actually tells them what they want to hear: ''I want to settle down with someone now. I've been there, done that.''

But can she convince Jason's mom? Mama Mesnick, unlike her son, has a pretty inscrutable poker face. During her couch time with Molly, she's not giving up anything other than a steely gaze — especially when Molly says she's fine to move because ''I can still have my career in Seattle.'' Later, when a weepy Jason asks her for help with his decision, mom defrosts a piece of advice that she's been keeping in the family freezer since the 1950s: ''Here's a young lady who says she loves you to pieces, and yet she has a career, and career's important to her. But I think foremost for you, you want somebody who is family oriented, and who's going to be there for Ty and you.'' Yes, that's right, Donna Reed: Never mind that your son is making his second (soon-to-be-failed) attempt to find a stepmom for Ty on a reality TV show — the real threat to his future happiness is that he may marry a woman who works outside the home.

NEXT PAGE: The bitch is back!


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