The paradox of a truly atrocious literary adaptation is that everything on screen — a crummy postcollegiate job, a love triangle, even a burglary — must be embedded with little wisps of higher ''meaning,'' and therefore ends up meaning nothing at all. In The Mysteries of Pittsburgh, a stillborn rendering of Michael Chabon's first novel, Jon Foster plays Art Bechstein, the son of a Jewish gangster (Nick Nolte), but he comes off as the dullest of WASP preppies. His fascination with a young couple — heartfelt Jane (Sienna Miller) and her pretentious, chopper-riding, bisexual boyfriend Cleveland (Peter Sarsgaard) — plays like Gossip Girl written by a bad F. Scott Fitzgerald imitator. D
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Three's company: Peter Sarsgaard, Sienna Miller, and Sarsgaard take shots in Mysteries
EW's GRADE
DDetails Limited Release: Apr 10, 2009; Rated: R; Length: 95 Minutes; Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy; With: Sienna Miller and Mena Suvari; Distributor: Peace Arch
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