''There's no such thing as bisexual. That's just something they invented in the '90s to sell hair products.'' — Liz (Tina Fey) on 30 Rock
''Notre Dame, of course, home of the Fighting Irish, the most redundant mascot in all of athletics.'' — Jon Stewart, talking about President Obama's graduation speech, on The Daily Show
''Harrison Ford is engaged to his longtime girlfriend Calista Flockhart. Unfortunately, the news came to light in the final paragraph of Chewbacca's suicide note.'' — Seth Meyers on Saturday Night Live
''It was so nice today that Manny Ramirez tested positive for lemonade.'' — David Letterman on the Late Show
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