'The Bachelorette' Recap: See You in Hell, Wes

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Our beloved Bachelorette is still maddeningly obtuse. ''All day today, if you really were crazy about me then you would have come up to me and you would have kissed me at least once today.'' Wes gets defensive, spewing some garbage about how he's insecure — and then he makes a demand that he knows is impossible: She needs to say he's the one before he can show her how he's feeling. I'm not sure why, but this is when it finally starts to hit our Bachelorette that she's been had. ''How do I even say, 'Wes, you're the one' without knowing you feel the same way?'' she says tearfully. ''Yes, I do think that you maybe originally came on this show for the wrong reasons, but if you feel differently now I need to know that.'' Oh, Jillian, are you really going to make him pound the final nail in your ''relationship'' coffin? Yes, apparently so. ''I'm not here to hurt you,'' says Wes, ''but I’m going to be true to myself, because, you know, numero uno is most important here.''

Hearing that, Jillian pushes back her chair and storms out of the... Oh wait, apparently she wants to self-flagellate a little longer. ''This person Laurel — I think that this person is probably important to you, and I want to know why.'' Because he is a coward, Wes can't come right out and tell the truth, so he makes a very intentional Freudian slip: ''I told [Jake] the whole story, I said my girlfriend, I mean ex-girlfriend...'' Had he not deliberately stopped talking at that point, I think his next sentence would have been something like, ''Oh, whoops! I 'accidentally' said 'girlfriend' instead of 'ex-girlfriend.' Wow, what a stupid mistake! I guess you have no choice but to send me home now, right? RIGHT? For the love of God, woman, what is it going to take??'' Awkward timing alert! The Fantasy Suite card arrives. In one last act of cruelty, Wes says, ''I think we should, actually,'' knowing full well that it will NOT be happening. Jillian tells him no thanks, and puts him in a cab. ''I'm embarrassed that Wes came on here and has a girlfriend and has been riding this out as long as he can ride it out potentially for his career,'' Jillian admits, ''but I feel more sorry for him than I do for me right now.'' When she tells Wes, ''I'll see you soon!'' it sounds more like a threat than a goodbye.

Jillian arrives at the rose ceremony sporting a dress that looks like something Wilma Flintstone would wear to a funeral. And in a way, she is there to bury someone. There's not even a need for a pre-rose ceremony chat — Jillian knows who's getting the (cowboy) boot. And thank God, because at this point Wes has gone completely off the rails: ''If it's me [who's sent home],'' he tells the assembled bachelors, ''know that I will be back home having lots of sex.'' Don't forget to fill your Valtrex prescription first, hayseed! (Reid and Kip, to their credit, look totally disgusted.) When it comes time for the final rose, Wes looks positively giddy — his escape route back home to Austin and Laurel is in his sights. When Kipper gets the last rose, I'm so thrilled, I don't even care that Team Bachelorette completely duped us into thinking that one bachelor had ''trouble'' in the Fantasy Suite. What does a little deception matter when the country-fried douche bag is gone?

The only thing that would have been better is if Jillian had sent Wes home without a word, rather than strolling hand-and-hand with him to the Reject Limo. Once inside, safely out of earshot, Wes finally guzzles booze and reveals what we've all known for weeks, bragging that he's ''the first guy ever on The Bachelorette to make it to the top four with a girlfriend.... My acting days are over.'' His confessional then devolves into a mumbly Southern-accented rant — something about his album and being born at night — that's about as coherent as a monologue from Boomhauer on King of the Hill. It would be unprofessional of me to urge you, my loyal readers, to boycott his upcoming CD — and the good news is, I don't have to. I think Wes has done a perfectly good job on his own convincing people not to buy his music.

Well, Bachelorette fans, we have a lot to talk about. I want to hear everything you thought about tonight's episode — including how you celebrated Wes' big eviction. Post your comments now! And be absolutely sure you don't miss Chris Harrison's exclusive blog — this week, he finally reveals what Jillian really knew about Wes and why she kept him around so long. You'll also want to click over to see this week's two-on-one date — in a hot air balloon! — on The Doll Bachelorette. And, if you haven't had enough of Kipper, check out our bonus deleted scene below, where Jillian stumps him with a pressing question about...a one-eyed kitten. (Not surprisingly, she is drinking wine during this conversation.) Okay, my friends, let's cut off the chains — ''click click click click click'' — and talk Bachelorette!