''[Walter Cronkite is] who I wanted to be when I was a kid. It was like Carrot Top to you.'' —Brian Williams, to Jon Stewart, on The Daily Show
''It looks like one of those herpes commercials, where everyone is so happy, despite the fact that everyone has herpes!'' —Kat (Lindsey Shaw), looking at the yearbook photos she shot that day, on 10 Things I Hate About You
''Researchers from Britain's Keele University have found that swearing after an injury may help alleviate pain. Evidently, the pain that you feel is inversely proportional to the number of middle names you give Jesus.'' —Stephen Colbert on The Colbert Report
''They mistakenly erased the original landing on tape. Meanwhile, Paris Hilton's tape is in a vault!'' —Joy Behar, about the loss of the original moon-landing footage, on The View
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