'Big Brother' recap: Rage in the Cage

Now, I didn't see the real-time version of the next argument, in which Russell said to Jordan, ''Sit around eating cookie dough, wondering why you're fat.'' (Strategy!) He made Jordan so mad she gave him a chest bump, which is kind of like seeing a kitty cat give you the finger; sure, it's aggressive…but so adorable! I can't imagine any uncut scenario where Russell still wouldn't be the world's biggest ass in this one. Jeff also seemed to have the upper hand, batting away Russell's aging ''technotronic'' snap by saying, ''You can't use 'technotronics,' bro, because you used it 800 times. Think of a good one, keep quiet for five minutes, and then fire one back at me, and we'll see if the crowd laughs.'' Advantage, Jeff!

Just as we were relishing in Jeff's composure, our buzzes were killed by a visit to the jury house, where we saw the moment where Lydia joined Jessie. Jessie wasn't lonely, as he was cuddling up with his new catchphrase, ''I'm ridiculously jacked and tan!'' Really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? It's like ''I'm a wild and crazy guy,'' but for meatheads. Those bumper stickers will really fly off the shelves at the next flex convention, provided anyone can bend their hypermuscled arms enough to get their wallets out of their pockets.

When it was time for Natalie and Russell to make their pre-vote speeches, Russell was a new man. Grinning like he was at his high school reunion, he told everyone his theory that ''Personal attacks are part of the game… When you walk into the house, we're told two rules: don’t break the rules, don't curse on national TV.'' (Wait, so ''don't break the rules'' is one of the rules? Because, frankly, that seems a little vague.) He then wrapped up his closing remarks with, ''You guys are amazing, good luck to each and every one of you.'' Did he think this excused everything? He said he modeled himself after such BB villains as Evel Dick, Mike Boogie, and Dr. Will. Out of those three, Evel Dick was the only one who was as verbally cruel as Russell, but at least even he didn't pair it with bull-like physical threats. I don't know how Russell can excuse this as just ''part of the game.'' I think he's confusing Big Brother with Ultimate Fighting. Or he's confusing the real world with the movie The Road Warrior.

Now, did Jeff make a good call by back-dooring Russell? Natalie and Kevin have both pledged to instantly break their promise to protect him if either of them win HOH. And frankly, that's the best move for them: take him out before he has a chance to win HOH again. Plus, he's unbeatable in the final two. So while those two are inevitable threats to Jeff, would Russell have been any safer? I say no: while Russell told Julie that he would have stayed with Jeff, Jordan, and Michele to the final four, I think he would have realized Jeff's unbeatability and splintered off with Natalie and Kevin again. Anyone who can rationalize his verbal abuse as game play could just as easily rationalize breaking his word. Either way, I think Jeff stands a good chance at going out next week, assuming Jordan doesn't win the S'mores HOH challenge. A two person alliance as visible and effective as theirs doesn't stand a chance at sliding through to the end without superior numbers, and Michele is smart enough to know that she has a far better chance of beating Natalie or Kevin in the final two.

Okay, I'd better stop here before I start rapping again. Do you think Jeff made the right move by bouncing Russell? Do you buy personal attacks as a viable strategy? Do you think that in their fights, Russell was rubber and Jeff was glue, or vice versa? So many questions. And while you're answering, check out Julie Chen's take on the fireworks on her blog, and watch Dalton Ross and my Must List Live! take on last week's Chima expulsion, and whether Jordan and Jeff are adorable or annoying. And come back later in the day, when we'll have an interview with Johnny Cheap Shot himself, Russell!