'Jon & Kate Plus Eight' recap: The Great Outdoors

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Day 2 of fishing was more successful. Alexis: ''I catched a fish!'' In fact, it looked like all the kids caught fish, though there was some post-game debate between the boys about exactly who caught what: ''I catched 7,'' ''I catched 4,'' ''Mine was this big,'' ''Mine was this big.'' Spoken like true fishermen.

The offscreen production staff indicated that Joel was hit in the head with a fish, but I rewatched the incident on slow-motion DVR literally dozens of times, and couldn't see any contact. To my eyes, Joel just started screaming because Aaden was waving a fish in front of him. Joel claimed the fish bit him. But we all know the truth. Joel is processing difficult emotions during this time of family strife.

The episode ended on a positive note, if your name is Jonathan Keith Gosselin. ''It's nice to go to the city and do the things I do,'' Jon said. (That's sexist, women aren't things! Badum psh!) (Sorry, readers.) So, basically, here's the score. Kate wants the kids to live in an elaborately constructed picture-perfect dollhouse, and Jon wants the kids to live in the mud and fish for their supper. It's like growing up in Brave New World and The Land That Time Forgot, simultaneously! Pray for these kids.

Alexis' Quote of the Night: ''Kids are funny, aren't they?'' (to Alex the new daddy stand-in sound man).