'Big Brother' recap: Three's A Crowd

Natalie prizes herself on her subtle strategy, but come on. Out in the yard, talking to a whiny Kevin, she found a way to steer the conversation toward her hypothetical revenge if he hypothetically picked Jordan instead of her. ''Let's say you get to choose and you evicted my ass,'' she said. ''You don't think I'm gonna vote personally? Hell yeah I'm gonna vote personally. I'm gonna give my vote to Jordan...I'll be pissed that you screwed me.'' Nice small talk, Nat. I have a feeling that after her fiancé watched this, he made a mental note to sleep with the lights on for the rest of his life.

Then we got the footage of Michele arriving at Jury House, and the Jury making their final deliberations. It doesn't matter who won the game, the big winner tonight was Jeff, who got off some great shots at Lydia. The guy was on fire: When is someone going to make the ''It's like talking to a road cone'' T-shirt? I also loved when he dissed Lydia's attempt at a high five, and his impression of Jessie's hand going up the back of Lydia's shirt to move her mouth was a delight. And amidst all that, he was actually convincing: I think without him there to thwack down every pro-Natalie point, Jordan might have lost.

Then came the final HOH challenge, which came down to a tiebreaker question: How many total votes to evict have been cast so far this season? Jordan's eyes spun in opposing concentric circles at this one, and she fiddled with her pen as if she had forgotten its purpose. But then came the ultimate ''blind squirrel finds nut'' moment. She put down 50, no doubt thinking, ''Well, I know how many states there are, and that's a number, so maybe it's the same number!'' and the correct answer was 51. This was the exact moment when I started feeling uneasy about the thought of her winning. This was so clearly a lucky guess, just as her HOH golf victory was handed to her by Jeff: I knew she would use these victories as evidence of why she was a good player, but they were blatantly not of her own doing. She was Mr. Magoo.

Natalie and Kevin had to make their pleas. I loved Natalie's statement — like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, watch as the selfless statement blossoms into something really self-serving and manipulating midway! ''The last couple of weeks we've had a chance to bond, actually become friends'' — wait for it — ''I'm grateful for anything and everything despite what happens in this game for our friendship...'' — almost there — ''and as a friend'' — here it comes — ''I'd like to ask you to please keep me in this game.'' Bam! There it is! Forget the game, what's really important is our friendship, and as my friend, you better let me beat you in this game. That sentence is an infinite loop of greed.

Jordan picked her new best buddy Natalie, which was the smart move, as she had no friends on the jury. A devastated Kevin joined the rest of the evictees, and even in his shock he was still able to navigate the catwalk better than Michele. Hey, it paired two things that nerds do not encounter often: walking in glamorous clothes, and high-fiveing.

NEXT: Grilling by the jury