'Big Brother' recap: Three's A Crowd

When they were both grilled by the Jury, Natalie was much more prepared. (Jeez, Jordan, you had nothing to do for five days but get prepared! What were you busy doing, trying to find a pair of shorts that fit? Because that was not time well spent.) Everything Jordan said was like speech soup, a stirred-up assortment of Big Brother defense buzzwords. I'd doze off in the middle of every answer, and jolt awake to any of the following phrases: ''lay low,'' ''under the radar,'' ''won an HOH and a veto,'' and ''get myself further in this game.'' Yet these words were never said in an adequately logical order. And even if they were, it would have been difficult to concentrate on them, as my eyes were always drawn to her crotch-picking hands. Dammit, Jordan, let your pants ride up a bit, there's $500,000 on the line!

Natalie, on the other hand, stuck with one sales pitch: She stayed close to strong players, and remained honest with her allies. This was no different from Jordan's pitch, except for two distinctions: 1) It was delivered in English, which could have helped her, and 2) It was delivered by Natalie, which would hurt her. Everyone in this house disliked her so much that they couldn't bear to vote for her. I was surprised that her defense didn't sway Jessie, but was impressed that Russell voted for Natalie. To me, indicated that his bluster was just an act (an assy act, mind you), and he was capable of clear-headedly assessing his competitors.

Jeff's winning the $25,000 ''America loves ya!'' prize I can accept. That was a popularity contest, and was billed as such. But Jordan as game victor? It still doesn't sit right. I keep thinking of the moment when she revealed that she can't tell time. Once she had established that she was stymied by the most basic of third-grade skills, it's tough for me be convinced that anything she did up until the moment she picked Natalie over Kevin was consciously strategic. I'll never forget the look on her face when she was asked the final HOH tiebreaker question: It's the same look a baby wears when you play ''Got your nose.'' I'm happy she's able to help her family, and I'm sure she's very sweet, but this was not a righteous win. And there's one thing I'll never forgive her for: For a few minutes, she made me feel sorry for Natalie.

So how do you feel about the finale? Do you think Jordan was a deserving winner, and do you think the jury voted for the right reasons? Am I crazy for my suspicions that Natalie (gulp) should have won? And where would you rank this season among the 11 Big Brother seasons? While you're mulling over these earth-shattering questions, don't forget to look for Julie Chen's blog, and check out our exit interviews with Michele and, later today, Jordan, Natalie, and Kevin. Until next season...or The Amazing Race...whichever comes first. I'll be damned, it's The Amazing Race, in just two Sundays. Okay, until then!