''I wanted to tell everybody so you don't think I stole a Korean baby!'' — Katherine Heigl, after announcing that she's adopting a Korean baby, on Ellen
''Face it, Hank, women are getting stronger, and men are growing more effeminate. In the future, both men and women will visit the gynecologist. But only women'll be getting their money's worth.'' — Dale Gribble (Johnny Hardwick) on King of the Hill
''There are rumors Macaulay Culkin may have donated the sperm to father Michael Jackson's son Blanket. This is a real eff-you to Corey Feldman.'' — Chelsea Handler on Chelsea Lately
''Now that you've spent your whole summer drinking your coffee out of CeCe's china, will it taste the same coming out of your Welcome Back, Kotter mug at home?'' — Dan (Penn Badgley), to his dad after their long stay in the Hamptons, on Gossip Girl
''I have not seen the student body this excited since Tiffany performed at the North Hills Mall.'' — Principal Figgins (Iqbal Theba), after the school's glee club performed Salt-N-Pepa's ''Push It,'' on Glee
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