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Now where was I? Oh, yes! John Park! I have to say, it's becoming an increasingly rare occurrence on Idol to find a male soul singer with a powerful lower register who doesn't slather on the vibrato like cheese over an Applebee's entrée. But John, in his crisp white shirt and with his floppy mop of black hair, delivered Blood Sweat & Tears' ''I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know'' with such sexy nonchalance (especially that final lowww note), it had our charming and constructive guest-judge Shania dipping (accidentally or not) into her handbag of double entendres: ''Yes, you have a beautiful bottom end, and beautiful teeth. And nice lips... you have a nice tone down there... and you have a good head,'' Shania giggled, nervously twirling the ribbon-y front clasp of her blouse. Hey, but let's not blame a judge for a little harmless release; it was hard enough seeing so few good auditions in the course of an hour-long telecast — imagine if they'd been slowly doled out over the course of two days?

My only complaint with Shania (and Kara) was their publicly and repeatedly expressed surprise that John was able to sing, um, well, like a hunka hunka burnin' love. I'm not exactly sure what the female judges were getting at. Are Asian guys not supposed to be able to sing soul? Or sound super-manly? Or convincingly play the role of the sex symbol? (Ladies, please immediately adjust your dials and open your damn eyes to see John Cho on FlashForward, Daniel Henney on Three Rivers and especially Tim Kang on The Mentalist for evidence to the contrary! You can send thank-you notes later. That is all.)

(See how it's hard to get away from frenzied ranting, even when we're talking about the talented singers?) Oh, and speaking of which, what the heck was with Kara's advice to Katelyn Epperly, the Iowa beauty with a shaggy blonde mane and a peculiarly highlighted backstory about her parents' separation? After Katelyn performed an appropriately melancholy take on Duffy's album track ''Syrup and Honey,'' Kara dubbed the contestant ''a pretty girl,'' then whined she'd have preferred to hear her sing ''something a little perkier, a little more energetic.'' Um, why exactly is that, you screeching magpie? As per usual, Kara's critique had the unfortunate scent of something pulled directly out of her... assailed brain. (Nice save there, if I do say so myself!)

But in all seriousness, why is it that Kara was A-okay with maudlin ballads during six other televised Golden Ticket auditions tonight, but somehow not with Katelyn's? If, in fact, Kara felt Katelyn's rendition was lethargic or lacked a certain je ne sais quoi (see me trying to bring the classy back with a strategically placed French term that I'd feel skittish saying out loud!), then she should have explained to the girl that she needs to always sit down and carefully read the lyrics to her songs before she delivers a single note — the better to convey the ideas and emotions put forth in the music! This is not the same as choosing ''something a little perkier'' — which, to an amateur singer's mind, could easily translate as ''For my next act, I'm gonna sing 'The Electric Slide,' by Marcia Griffiths!'' Instead, I'll take Shania's succinct opinion that Katelyn has the kind of voice that you could hear on a hit record.

NEXT: Angela Martin gets her third shot at stardom