ONE WEEK UNTIL LOST: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN BEGINS!
Writing the words ''The Final Countdown'' reminds of the Europe song, of course. Which reminds me of Will Arnett on Arrested Development. Which reminds me that Amy Poehler's husband has also appeared on 30 Rock. Which reminds me that whenever I watch 30 Rock and see the obligatory establishing shot of the ebony edifice that is Rockefeller Center, I think ''Black Rock.'' Which reminds me of Lost. See how my mind works? Behold the logic that you trust to make sense of the most mysterious show on television! Yes, my friends, there's no question about it you, dear reader, are truly in the very best of hands.
Next week, the end of Lost begins. Goosebumps, huh? Perhaps a slight flutter of the heart? Or did you just pee yourself? It's okay! No judgment here! All spontaneous physiological expressions of excitable response to the imminent arrival of the final season of the greatest smoke monster/haunted polar bear/rampant boar teeming, peanut-butter stashing, killer-spider crawling, mystery island drama in the history of such televised dramaticals are appropriate! My involuntary reaction? Total grammatical collapse! Also, I automatically think of Sting. That's right, the famous Sting, the one who shot to superstardom by duet-plus-oneing with Rod Stewart and Bryan Adams on the love theme to 1993's The Three Musketeers, starring living legends Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, and Oliver Platt; the same Sting who first captured our hearts by playing the psychopathic but lovable Feyd in David Lynch's Dune. Ah, Feyd. Lovely, Feyd. Let's revisit, shall we?
Anyway, Sting comes to mind one week before the premiere of Lost because 1 week = 7 days and ''7 Days'' is one of my favorite Sting songs, like, ever. Yes, I am a big Sting fan, and if saying that makes me sound like I'm 40 years old or something, you can bite me: I'm only 39. Truth is, Sting has been a major source of Doc Jensen inspiration over the years as many of his songs deal with ideas, themes, and motifs that are either in Lost or that I merely see in Lost. (Same thing, right?) To ring out the introductory portion of today's monumental column (I did promise you Doc Jensen's ''Final Theory of Lost'' this week, did I not?) and ring in the passion week of Lost (because the premiere is just as important as Easter, is it not?), I present...
THREE STING SONGS THAT ARE ACTUALLY LOST THEORIES!
From the album Ghost In The Machine, by the Police, 1981
The song's inspiration is actually political in nature, but I always got a spiritual/mystical vibe from the title. I hear the refrain and I think, ''Locke's theme.'' The album Ghost in the Machine, inspired by the book of the same name by Arthur Koestler, is chockablock with Lost-esque songs, including ''Secret Journey,'' ''Rehumanize Yourself,'' ''Spirits In The Material World,'' and a tune that serves as my own private cautionary tale, ''Too Much Information.''
NEXT PAGE: The start of Doc Jensen's ''final theory of Lost''