'Jon & Kate Plus Eight' recap: Timeshare
The title of last night's episode was ''Butterflies and Bottle Rockets,'' which would be a good name for a punk rock band. Kate took Alexis, Hannah, and Leah on a vacation to Florida, and to the wildlife park Butterfly World. One dark-hued butterfly befriended the young girls. ''We should call him Black Velvet,'' said Kate, ''Because he looks like black velvet.'' ''Will he stay with me? Can we keep him?'' asked Alexis. Kate reached out to pet him, but Black Velvet flew away in fear.
Jon was running the asylum back at Casa de Gosselin. ''The little girls are in Florida, so I just have the boys today,'' he said, forgetting his two older daughters. ''We're gonna do destructive man stuff.'' That meant pulling out a fancy new bottle rocket. ''Forget the instructions, we'll look at the picture on the box,'' Jon said. Long minutes passed as one man and five children stared blankly at the picture on the box. Collin asked a perceptive question: ''Do you have the instructions?''
Inside of Butterfly World's bird sanctuary, Kate fed three birds. ''I need eight. I'll feel complete.'' That's pretty funny. Kate-haters, you have to admit that she's at least self-aware enough to poke fun at herself (unlike Emperor Bling Bling, Lord of Manly Earrings). Sure enough, the tour guide placed eight birds on Kate's shoulders. ''I'm telling you, they better not poop on me,'' Kate warned.
Next on the tour was the Bug Zoo, filled with creepy-crawlies and arachnids. The girls were like kids in a candy store. Kate freaked out and fled through the Fire Exit. Then, get this, Alexis followed her out of the Fire Exit, waving around a ginormous Millipede. ''I love how old they're getting, they can torture me,'' said Kate.
The Bug Farmers said they had never seen 5-year-olds get so excited about holding all the bizarre denizens of the Bug Farm. We tend to assume that the Gosselin kids will suffer all kinds of psychological problems because of their role on this show. But what if having to undergo such an intense level of scrutiny at such a young age has actually turned them into battle-hardened super-people? We need to send these kids into space or something.
Jon's Icarus-like quest to send his bottle rocket to the moon hit some stumbling blocks. The first launch only went a few feet in the air. Jon noted sadly, ''Even the paparazzi were like, what the hell is he doing?'' I get your plan, J.G.: you've already lost the kids, but you're trying to win the publicity war by performing elaborate stunts to impress us media vultures. If that's your plan, it's not working.
NEXT: Kate, er, and the kids, go on a hot air balloon ride
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