''You know how, growing up, we all have that voice inside our head telling us we're not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school.'' — Claire (Julie Bowen), talking about her critical mother, on Modern Family
''I don't want to say we have a special-needs media, but they were literally mesmerized by a shiny object.'' — Bill Maher, on the mass coverage of the runaway balloon, on Real Time
''You seem surprised — yet your eyebrows haven't moved at all.'' — Claire (Judith Light), to Wilhelmina (Vanessa Williams), on Ugly Betty
''A man in Houston was arrested after police found him hiding inside a closet with a corpse. They said it was either drug-related or the absolute worst game of seven minutes in heaven.'' — Jimmy Fallon on Late Night
''I'm in no mood to hear you fawn over some girl with tacky accessories who lives to recycle.'' — Blair (Leighton Meester), responding to the news that Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) may give the speech at the NYU Freshman Dinner, on Gossip Girl
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