'Desperate Housewives' recap: Trust Me

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LET'S GET IT ON

Susan's insecurity-inspired day-long sexual escapade almost wore Mike out

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Desperate Housewives probably wouldn't be interesting or funny if Wisteria Lane wasn't rife with hypocrites. Not that I'm going to take time to cite specific instances from the past, but every main character on the show must have talked out of both sides of their mouth at some point during the dramedy's run. So I'm not sure why Gaby's overt hypocrisy — telling Lynette off for lying to Carlos about her pregnancy, while simultaneously trying to bribe a Catholic priest — really didn't sit well with me, but it really did. Where does Gaby even get off being irritated about Lynette's actions when hers are just as reprehensible? She has no room to be as mad as she was at Lynette, but nevertheless, that didn't stop her.

Maybe it's just that after everything Gaby has been through in her own life that I thought maybe she'd cut Lynette a little slack about concealing her pregnancy. I mean, did Gaby even stop to think what would happen to Lynette if Carlos did find out she was pregnant too early? She would have never gotten the big promotion in the first place, and she might even be forced to forfeit her job, which is definitely a possibility now. But of course Gaby didn't consider anyone else. She didn't consider that Lynette is the breadwinner of the Scavo family (which is about to expand yet again!) while Tom is in college and, as we all know, the Scavo family isn't sitting on reserves of savings. She didn't consider anything by her own selfishness — that Carlos might have a tougher time at work and that she, because Lynette convinced her coworker to stay in town, couldn't get her daughter into the private Catholic school that she was hoping for. What a bitch.

So obviously, Gabby told Carlos about the pregnancy. Well, we have to assume that since he never admitted that he actually knew and just claimed that he was promoting her to run the Florida branch because he needs his best people down there. Right. This was a sneaky way to get Lynette to quit or, at the least, to punish her by moving her to Florida. Granted, Lynette isn't totally innocent in this situation either, but it feels less meanspirited than what Gaby did. But, I suppose we can all rest assured that there's little chance that Lynette will move to Florida. I mean, they can't take her out of Fairview, of course, but I'm trying to dream up what's going to happen to her. Something tells me she'll find some leverage over Carlos and prevail at keeping her job in Fairview. But we'll just have to wait and see.

Despite my annoyance with Gaby's arrogance, her story line, as per usual, provided lots of laughs. I couldn't help but chuckle — rather loudly — when she confessed to trying to bribe someone to get her daughter into Catholic school. And then when Father asked what happened, she threw the wad of cash through the confessional and said: ''Well, you tell me.'' Ha! Clever old Gaby. And I found a good laugh when Gaby told Carlos what kind of donation would help Juanita get into the Catholic school: ''Something that'll make a priest say 'holy' and 'mother' in the same sentence. That should get her to the top of the waiting list.''

Two tiny, but I feel important observations, about Gaby's story line: First, are Catholic schools really that overcrowded? I know we got the cursory line from Lynette's coworker that the school was so great and all, but really? I feel like, after all the bad press the Catholic church has taken over the past couple decades, people are running away. In fact, I know I read news stories about the New York City diocese closing more and more schools nearly every year. Whatever, though, this is just a TV show — nothing tends to make too much sense on Desperate Housewives! And secondly, where is Ana? Is she coming back? Why haven't we at least seen her here and there, even if she doesn't have a story line? I'll have to get Ausiello on the case to see if she's going to be back anytime soon.

NEXT: Friends don't let friends get busted cheating