'The Biggest Loser' recap: Makeover Madness

There was one twist. Rudy has so dominated this season that I forgot how little we really knew about him. We've never heard anything about his family, and after Dina got the boot, we haven't seen him palling around with the other contestants. Mid-speech, he dropped the bomb: ''When I was fifteen, my big sister, my role model, was diagnosed with cancer.''

Jillian and Bob turned to each other. Jillian: ''How has this guy been keeping this a secret for three months?'' More importantly, how could this essential information escape the gaze of the all-knowing Jilliandroid? Does Not Compute! She began plotting her mental attack.

Reward Challenge
If you were scarred at a young age by the beginning of Cliffhanger, then this week's Reward Challenge wasn't for you. The Losers would be rappelling 700 feet across a canyon, while suspended 200 feet in the air. And what was the prize? ''A 2-week trip to the brand new Biggest Loser resort for your entire family!'' squealed Ali. ''You and your family will experience Biggest Loser workouts, eat nutritional meals, and get a spa treatment!'' So basically, Ali was saying, ''This week's Biggest Loser prize is more Biggest Loser!'' Danger! Infinite loop!

Liz was freaking out: ''Dear god, don't let me go!'' Danny and Allen, her besties 4evs, tried to encourage her. Rebecca (the coolest fricking player this show has ever had, damn you, Rudy) tried to encourage her, badass to badass: ''Keep up with me! Make that your goal!''

Ali and the quick-cut editing tried to make the race look close, but Rudy basically started out in the lead and never lost it. Amanda was surprisingly close behind him, but let's be honest: Rudy had the reward in the bag before he woke up that morning and decided not to shave.

Rudy, after his big win: ''We're all athletes now. We've all become fairly fit.'' I still tend to think of all the remaining Losers based on their pre-show life, but they've been doing nothing but working out nonstop for almost three months. In a weird way, the contestants who last this long are basically professional athletes. End of tangent.

The Most Surreal Commercial Break Ever
The commercial break after the Reward Challenge was composed of: a Trainer Tip promoting NBC's Green Week, a commercial for the Biggest Loser video game, a promo for Mercy, a promo for SVU, and a promo for SNL. The only commercial for a non-NBC property was an extended preview for The Blind Side, which included a Biggest Loser-friendly look at how the film's star shed 100 pounds. Do you think that NBC charges itself for advertisements? Isn't that what a Ponzi scheme is?

Last Chance Workout
Bob was concerned: why wasn't Allen winning more challenges? ''I've been playing the game somewhat,'' said Allen. He pointed out that, after his winning streak a few weeks ago, everyone was saying, ''Allen's the one to beat.'' So, he's been throwing challenges to keep himself out of the spotlight.

What do you think, viewers? Was he just making an excuse for his poor performance, or is this all a part of his plan? (Certainly, Rudy hasn't won any goodwill in his current Challenge hot streak; for two straight episodes, he's gotten into a shouting match with a crying woman.) If he's being honest, he's a genius.

Bob blessed Allen with some product placement: a stupid Ziploc bag that's ''made from 50 percent wind power.'' Allen: ''That's good for the environment!'' You know what else is good for the environment?

Over in the gym, Jillian knew that she had to talk to Rudy about the tragic loss of his older sister. But to broach such a sensitive topic? With her usual finesse and grace, of course. ''Didn't know your sister died!'' she yelled, loud enough for your deaf grandmother to hear. That's our gal!