'Desperate Housewives' recap: What Becomes of the Brokenhearted

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC

CRAZY IN LOVE

Katherine couldn't see how over the line she'd gone by bringing M.J. into her fantasy world

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In only took nine episodes, but season 6 of Desperate Housewives is finally totally becoming unhinged. In last night's rather high-quality hour of dramedy, we witnessed not one, but two, suicide attempts, as well as a down-and-dirty firing that saw Carlos dismissing Lynette in the fallout after her pregnancy cover-up. Pretty good stuff, if you ask me. I mean, not good — I don't wish calamity on anyone! — but I'm pretty sure you know what I mean. Good for fictional television. And it looks like next week is keeping the Desperate crazytrain going, too, as it seems like near total destruction is coming to Wisteria Lane. I, for one, can't wait! Count me in!

But back to last night's action. The most shocking events, to me at least, seemed to be the suicide attempts. Both Danny Bolen, who was apparently heartbroken after being rejected by Julie and possibly irritated after seeing his parents arguing, and Katherine, still distraught over being dumped by Mike, tried to off themselves. At this point, we know that Danny woke up after his mother Angie discovered him passed-out next to an empty bottle of pills, but instead of answering to the name of Danny, he repeatedly told Nurse Mona that his name is ''Tyler.'' That, of course, is yet another seemingly worthless clue in the mystery of the Bolen family. We also learned tonight that it was Angie who killed someone, and that's why her family has been on the run for 18 years. And actually, there was yet another worthless Bolen clue! The exact date of whatever scandalosity that happened was Nov. 10, 1991. Whoa! This case is blown wide open for us viewers! So now we know the fact that Danny's real name is Tyler, the fateful date, and that Angie is the one who did whatever bad thing. Which all adds up to...nothing, really.

What I don't get about the Bolen situation, with the scant and pointless information we know right now, is why last week it was Nick who was calling ''the Feds'' and offering to come in to talk. So, if he didn't do anything, what would they really want with him? Maybe he'll be charged with aiding and abetting a criminal or somesuch? Or maybe they think if they get him they can crack him into revealing Angie's whereabouts? In reality, it's silly to even try to guess about any of this because we're not working with all the facts. Truly, the whole thing will probably just — oh my God! — end up being a big misunderstanding or something. I doubt, doubt, doubt that they'll send Angie off to prison in May. I mean, are viewers gonna stand for that? I don't love her, but she's growing on me and I honestly wouldn't like to see her carted away. Regardless, it'll be interesting to see how they finally wrap this up. After 10 or 12 more episodes where useless clues continue to dribble out.

NEXT: We're all worried about Mrs. Mayfair