Feast or Famine?

Image credit: Audrey: Sport's Illustrated

Wednesday, Feb. 20

Bernie Mac (Fox, 9 p.m.)
Episode title (''Stop Having Sex'') + setting (high school pool party) = guaranteed guffaws (overprotective dad vs. overexposed daughter!)

Steel Dawn (Sci Fi Channel, 9 p.m.)
Patrick Swayze in a postapocalyptic world. And his real-life wife is there with him. Though the press release swears there is ''no dancing,'' we are soooo going. Anyone who's still not sold has some serious fun issues.

Glory Days (The WB, 9 p.m.)
Did you ever watch ''Step by Step''? If so, you might be interested to know that Jay Ferguson plays a small-town officer on this ''which young hottie dunnit?'' mystery.

Rank (E!, 9 p.m.)
You best skip this entry if you don't want us to spoil E!'s Top 20 guilty pleasures. You got your Jonathan Edwards, your Monday night ''Fear Factor,'' and yeah, some WWF. But our question is this: Do they include the E! special on the top-20 guilty pleasures?

Six Feet Under (HBO, 10 p.m.)
There's a reason this ensemble morbidramedy cleaned house at the Golden Globes. And if you catch a few repeats -- like tonight's -- you'll be primed for the second season, which starts March 3.

Thursday, Feb. 21

Glutton Bowl I: The World's Greatest Eating Competition (Fox, 8 p.m.)
Here's counterprogramming at its finest -- and fattest! Folks of mostly large-size stature sacrifice their cholesterol for your enjoyment and the chance to win a cash prize. Watching someone else devour whole sticks of butter is wholesome fun. But if you're watching yourself in the mirror doing the same, that's not fun. That's just sad.

My Wife and Kids (ABC, 8 p.m.)
Guess what both appear in the Damon Wayans comedy in this episode? Give up? We don't blame you. It's a tough one. Answer: Singer Lou Rawls and a colonoscopy. (You'll have to watch the show to get the lowdown on that.) Here's an easier one: Guess which one sings ''You're Gonna' Miss My Lovin'''?

Blazing Saddles (Comedy Central, 8 p.m.)
Make it a Mel Brooks appreciation night. Gather ye family. Get someone on hold with Ticketmaster to try to buy tickets to 'The Producers'' while the rest of the gang enjoys this hilarious sendup of Westerns.

Harold & Maude (Womens Entertainment, 8 p.m.)
You don't want to go through life as someone who hasn't seen this movie about a death-obsessed kid (Bud Cort) and a life-lovin' old lass (Ruth Gordon) who steal cars, speak truths, and fall in love.

Mysteries of Easter Island (TLC, 9 p.m.)
People form a culture. They build statues. And then, inexplicably they -- and their handiwork -- vanish. Find out what happened. Or at least entertain various experts' theories on the disappearance.

Fashionably Loud Presents: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2002 (MTV, 10 p.m.)
Enrique Iglesias must have a clause in his contract that he will only work in the presence of scantily clad babes. He follows up his recent video costarring Anna Kournikova with a performance at this part fashion show (SI models strutting)/part rock show (Iglesias and others, uh, ''playing.'')