'The Bachelor' recap: Premature Evacuation

Back in L.A., a familiar sound: Knock knock knock! Accent Table of Doom, is that you? No, it's Ali, and before she sits down on the couch in Jake's hotel room she's already weeping. ''I have, like, the most impossible decision to make right now,'' she wails to the Bachelor. ''I just found out that I have to choose between staying here and going back to work.'' Before she can make the decision, though, she wants an answer from Jake as to whether she's going to be the last ''lady'' standing. No such luck: ''Ali, life is about minimizing your regrets. And you just have to weigh which one is going to be a bigger regret.... So, selfishly, you know, I would say, you know, stay here and take a chance on me, but I can't right now guarantee you that I'm going to put a ring on your finger, but I can't look you in the eye and tell you that I'm not going to.'' Uh-oh, Ali, looks like you're going to have to make this decision all by your lonesome. ''I guess at the rose ceremony I'll let you know,'' she whimpers before collapsing in the hallway in tears. (Is it a bad sign that I found myself distracted by the cute polka-dot pillows on the couch during this conversation?)

Oh, phew — Harrison is here to help Jake through this mess, and that's a good thing because the Bachelor is a wreck. As the host points out, having Ali quit her job for Jake would put just a tiny bit of pressure on their relationship...so in many ways, it's a lose-lose situation. (Not as lose-lose as that purple hooker dress Vienna has on at the rose ceremony, but it's unfortunate nonetheless.) Before the ceremony begins, Ali asks to speak to Jake alone, but she's so whiny I can barely understand her; I think she says something about ''so many 'what ifs' and maybes.'' She tries once again to get some kind of Final Rose Guarantee from him, but the best Jake can do is this: ''I don't want you to go.'' Ultimately, though, reason rules the day: ''I came into this with everything I wanted in life except for you,'' muses Ali, ''and there's a chance I could leave it with nothing.'' True dat, sister. Get your ass back to work.

And just as the camera is getting an unfortunate glimpse up Ali's skirt, Harrison returns to tell her that she's got to make a decision. After more weeping, she chooses wisely: ''I have to go.'' When they part, Ali wails in the limo — ''I hope I made the right choice!'' — and Jake slumps over the hotel railing in the Jason Mesnick Memorial Grieving Bachelor pose. But he pulls it together and heads back to the other ''ladies,'' who all but break into a victory dance when Harrison announces that Ali left. They don't even try not to smile. Roses all around — and next stop, St. Lucia! Meanwhile, in the I Reject You Limo, Ali is second-guessing herself: ''How could I have left him?'' And in the previews for next week, we see that her regrets weren't momentary — judging by that phone call we say, it seems Ali may try to pull an Ed and come back into Jake's life next week.

So, folks, what do you think? Did Ali make the right choice? Who do you think would have gone home if Ali chose to stay? Am I alone in thinking Ali's shoes were ugly? When you're done venting your feelings, head over to PopWatch to read Chris Harrison's exclusive blog for some behind-the-scenes info on Ali and Jake's pre-rose ceremony conversation. Also don't forget to submit your burning questions to Harrison — he'll be answering several of your queries in an upcoming issue of Entertainment Weekly. Finally, check out the deleted scene below, featuring more of Jake and Vienna's riverboat ride. Okay, folks, show me the dance that's in your heart, and let's talk Bachelor!