'The Bachelor' recap: Suite and Sour

Harrison, looking sharp in a crisp pink shirt, arrives to debrief the Bachelor before the rose ceremony and to let him know that each of the ''ladies'' have recorded a ''(nationally televised) private, personal video message'' to help him make his decision. That's good, because as Jake has told us about 400 times this episode, he's ''in love with each of these women'' for different reasons. Tenley's video starts off a little wonky — ''You've exceeded my expectations'' — but then she recovers with some solid Hallmark-speak. ''I love our kisses...and I can't wait for a lifetime of more.... I dream of dancing with you forever.'' Gia seems nervous on her video, and when she eventually works her way around to telling Jake, ''I am falling in love with you,'' she looks so physically uncomfortable doing it — hugging herself, squirming, trying to retract her head into her body — that it's more hard to watch than romantic. But Vienna is all confidence, as usual. ''Hi, sweetheart!... I want to flirt with you for the next 80 years, because I'm completely in love with you.... I can't wait to be your wife.'' The good news is, for this rose ceremony, she's upgraded from last week's purple hooker dress to a slightly unflattering magenta gown that looks like something the school slut would wear to the prom.

The Bachelor, sans tie, arrives at the rose ceremony and tells the ''ladies'' how pretty they are, and how he's in love with each of them (um, creepy and co-dependent much?), but that he needs to find that ''special girl.'' Given that Gia is the only brunette there, you'd think she'd count as ''special,'' at least technically, but the final two roses go to (of course) Vienna and Tenley. And because she's the second runner-up, Gia is forced to sit on the Rejection Bench of Shame and hear more from Jake about why he let her go. ''Our relationship has been a little start and stop,'' he explains. ''I just feel like I've developed a little bit stronger feelings for the other women.'' Gia handles it with tears but also with grace, telling Jake that the other two ''girls'' are ''great'' and that she's happy for him. In the Reject SUV she comes a bit more unhinged: ''I keep having these heartbreaks and it keeps putting a hold on things because it takes me so long to get over it, and it takes me so long to move on!'' Awww, buck up, honey! You'll find someone — ideally a guy who won't cheat on you with all of your friends, like that loser boyfriend you told Jake about. In fact, maybe you can cheat on him: Gia for the next Bachelorette! Who's with me???

Well, our ''journey'' is almost over. Next week, it's the Women Tell All special (hey, welcome back, Rozzzzlyn!), and then on March 1, it's the Battle of the Blondes! (And from the previews, it looks like we get another patented Bachelor Hotel Railing Breakdown.) So what do you think of the final two? Did Jake make the right decision about Ali? Will we get a proposal or will Jake pull a Womack and leave both ''ladies'' roseless? Post your comments now! And don't forget to head over to PopWatch for Chris Harrison's exclusive Bachelor blog; this week, he responds to your comments — the good, the bad, and the ugly. Finally, click on the deleted scene below to see more of Jake and Gia's beach picnic — turns out they're both extremely picky (some might say downright fussy) when it comes to ''exotic'' tropical fruit. Okay, rose-lovers, put on your best jean short-shorts and let's talk Bachelor!