''Survivor''

It's a Wrapper

Jabubu tribe show that they can be just as lame as the men, and (though it's the best season in a long time) we can't forget past ''Survivor''s -- because the Amazonians won't let us, says Dalton Ross

Janet Koth, Survivor: The Amazon | POWER BARRED Did she or didn't she bring the food? The world may never know
Image credit: Survivor Amazon: Robert Voets/CBS
POWER BARRED Did she or didn't she bring the food? The world may never know

The women could use a little help here

Somebody track down Kel! It's happened… AGAIN! We're speaking, of course, about Granolagate. Not since Jeri accused poor Kel of hoarding beef jerky in the Australian Outback has a ''Survivor'' contestant been kicked out for a food item they may or may not have smuggled in, as Janet fell victim to the vicious rumors (started, it seems, by Jeanne) that she scarfed down an illegal granola bar. (For the record, after the Kel scandal, Mark Burnett insisted contestants were thoroughly searched and could not sneak any food into camp. Who knows, maybe Burnett planted that wrapper himself just to stir up a little controversy. Seriously, don't put it past the man.)

But while the first Amazon episode showed what sexist pigs most of the guys were, now we got to see how unstable the women's camp is. I mean, I'm sorry, but if you want to come off as half decent on national television, you just have to remember one simple rule: DON'T OSTRACIZE THE DEAF WOMAN! If it wasn't freaky Joanna warning Christy that she was ''gonna shut you down with my hand,'' then it was Jenna and the others acting all pissy because the chick who can't hear was calling them out as lazy, non-shelter building lame-os.

Now, it is true that Christy should know better than to start ranking on people for not working hard, as that is almost always the quickest ticket home (call it the ''BeBe Rule''), but she still was right on the money that they needed a shelter built. And besides, even if she was being a little grating with her nagging, remember: YOU DON'T OSTRACIZE THE DEAF WOMAN! But the women have other problems as well. As we have established, they have no shelter, and Joanna is also scared of the immunity idol, which is somewhat of a conflict seeing as the whole goal of the game is to WIN the immunity idol.

Maybe that's why the ladies lost an immunity challenge clearly geared by Burnett for them to win. Everyone knows we guys don't pay attention to ANYTHING. Notice how in the reward challenge Butch had no idea as to the names of any of his tribemates? That's okay, neither did I. (Then again, maybe that's because they're all shirtless musclebound dudes with shaved chests.) But it also shows how bad men can be at retaining simple pieces of information about our surroundings. So how they beat the women at that tribal hut memory game is beyond me. Maybe Joanna just promised to shut down her entire tribe with the hand if they won and brought Mr. Scary Immunity Idol back to the Jaburu camp.

But don't think that the men didn't have time to make fools of themselves too. Roger informed us that he's ''not accustomed to losing to women -- not that I'm a chauvinist.'' He later went on a tangent about the evils of homosexuality, proclaiming it ''not natural.'' (We call this one the ''Rudy rule.'') Still not done, he also gave us that classic line about how it's actually okay with him ''as long as they don't flaunt it.'' But remember, people: ''NOT a chauvinist.''

Either way, the two battle of the sexes episodes so far are already better than the entire run of ''Survivor: Thailand,'' and we haven't even gotten to next week's installment with swimsuit model Jenna going topless for a little naked breast washing… not that I'm a chauvinist.

What do you think of tonight's episode, and the season so far?

Originally posted Feb 20, 2003