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Survivor

''Survivor''

Drake's Take

Morgan is winning so far...at being the lamest tribe. And were they smart to oust Ryan instead of Osten? Dalton Ross says Wait and see

Survivor: Pearl Islands | HEAVY LOAD Morgan tribe members (from left) Andrew, Ryan, and Osten
Image credit: Survivor: Pearl Island: Monty Brinton
HEAVY LOAD Morgan tribe members (from left) Andrew, Ryan, and Osten

Morgan is winning so far...at being the lamest tribe

On the way home from work today, I nearly got run over by a bike messenger. This was followed by my getting my bag strap stuck in a closing subway car door. Once I did make it home, I tried to heat up some macaroni and cheese and proceeded to blow up my microwave. Then I sat down to relax and watch some ''Survivor,'' and my freakin' couch broke! Hi, do you know me? I'm a member of Tribe Morgan!!!

Okay, so maybe Morgan's luck isn't quite THAT bad, but let's be honest -- it's pretty damn crappy. Or maybe it's not luck at all. They seem to lack both the brain and the brawn to successfully take on Team Drake. First they allow their shoes to be stolen (a mystery they still have yet to solve), then they horribly mismanage their money in the fishing village and get barely any bang for their buck in terms of supplies, and then they can't figure out how to build a shelter. Oh, and did I also mention how they get their collective ass KICKED in every single challenge?

So, okay, I'm dissing Morgan pretty hard, but I did feel bad for skinny Ryan. First of all, because I clock in at a svelte 140 pounds myself and probably wouldn't have lasted six days in those conditions either. Secondly because he knew the pressure was on him and STILL totally bungled the reward challenge. And third, because he thought he was safe when that bonehead Osten asked him to vote him off.

By the way, you ''Survivor'' fanatics out there just KNEW Osten wasn't going anywhere. If so, Mark Burnett wouldn't have made it so plainly obvious before with him going around telling everyone he wanted to quit. I mean, this was one of the least shocking shockers in ''Survivor'' history.

But let's make no mistake about it: Osten is a bonehead. Don't believe me? Just check out his profile on the ''Survivor'' website where he says his favorite hobby is ''Boozing with the fellas from UNH and the Braintree Boyz in Bean-Town.'' I'm sorry, Braintree Boyz?!? Or look at the way he's always doing everything in his power to get naked. Or then there's his assessment of Skinny Ryan: ''Seeing Ryan on his best day doesn't equate to what I can do on my worst day…. Just physically, he has nothing to offer.'' And this came from a guy who wanted to quit THE VERY NEXT DAY!!!

Evidently, Morgan decided that even a whiny quitter was better than a skinny produce clerk (when the whiny quitter is built like a house). Time will tell if that was the right strategy. And even though they're winning everything in sight, Drake isn't above a little tribe sniping themselves. Christa -- at least I think that's her name; to be honest I don't ever remember seeing her before -- called Shawn a ''puss'' for losing the spear head.

Now, I've heard people be called a lot of names, but ''puss'' is not one of them. I'm not even sure what a ''puss'' is. Is it a long lost cousin of the wuss? Maybe I'm a puss for asking. Who knows? But Shawn losing said spear was for the best, because it gave Hagrid… I mean, Rupert, a chance to freak out and start breaking branches and primal screaming like a lunatic. I love Rupert. But then again, everyone loves Rupert, judging by CBS' new ads for the show which are all about…Rupert!

The folks over at Morgan should be all about trying to win a freakin' challenge. Odds are they will. These things have a way of evening themselves out. And if not, there's only one thing to do -- bring in the Braintree Boyz.

Do you think Morgan made the right move getting rid of Ryan instead of Osten?

Originally posted Sep 26, 2003