''Big Brother''

Odds Couple

Who'll win? Robert is the last member of the housemate jury, and Dalton Ross predicts who he and the others will vote for between Alison and Jun

Big Brother | NO LONGER A THREAT Robert's tactics didn't keep him in the house
Image credit: Robert Roman: Tony Esparza
NO LONGER A THREAT Robert's tactics didn't keep him in the house

Who'll win?

Robert may have referred to his fellow female contestants as ''bitches,'' ''sluts,'' and ''whores,'' but I have one word to describe the former restaurant manager: IDIOT!!! Okay, now to be fair, Robert was probably not gonna get taken along to the final two by Alison or Jun anyway, but that whole move where he told them both that if they didn't bring him along to the final two that he would get the whole jury to vote against them because ''People listen to me. They love me. I have that power.''

This was insanely stupid for two reasons. One, no one responds well to a threat. And two, WHY, OH WHY would you want to draw attention to the fact that you have strong ties to people in the jury? Why in hell would they want to go against someone like that in the finals? SO, OF COURSE they voted his nose-picking ass out!

And that leaves us with Jun and Alison to battle it out for half a million dollars. They may be the final two standing, but I can assure you that they are not, in Jun's words, the ''two strongest women in the house, ever.'' Umm, ever heard of Danielle? Or Lisa? Or even Nicole, for that matter? Whatever. In any event, before we break it down and I embarrass myself with another wildly inaccurate prediction, can we talk about how much slower and annoying these shows become as the number of housemates dwindle? I mean, did we really need to sit through a half hour ad for a freakin' Gene Hackman movie?

Almost as lame were Julie Chen's weekly interview segments, like when she lobbed this softball to Robert: ''Why do you think America loves you so much?'' (In Julie's defense, I actually liked that leather blazer she was rocking.) And could we be any more sick of these dumb trivia challenges about former housemates? Those questions Justin and Jee had to answer couldn't have been any dorkier: ''Does your ex have a soul?'' Are you kidding me? I have a question for the lamewad that came up with that one: ''Do you have a brain?''

So who is gonna win? Well, once again, outside of reality shows that contain the word ''Mole'' in the title, I have a HORRIBLE track record on these things, but that won't stop me from making an ass out of myself yet again. So, here's how I think the seven member jury will vote.

Dana She would rather officially change her name to Buzzard's Crotch than hand Alison $500,000. She votes for Jun.

Nathan You figure he would be pissed at Alison for backstabbing him after he saved her with… THE GOLDEN POWER OF VETO!!! (Sorry, I just love saying that.) But then all that horndog can talk about at that damn evicted houseguest resort is how he can't wait to see his ''snuggle bunny.'' No one said he was smart. He votes for Alison.

Justin Alison is his ex, so you'd figure he'd want her to have the money. But how would Man-Troll feel about that? Justin dares not find out. He votes for Jun.

Jack Alison betrayed the alliance, but former CIA agent Jack is ALL about espionage. The guess here is that he will respect the sneaky way Alison went about her business. He votes for Alison.

Jee He tried to get all hard-ass hogging the HOH, Veto, and food competitions in one week, but Jee is really a big softee at heart. Hell, he's a freakin' bookkeeper, for crying out loud. He remembers the way Jun was there for him when his father died. He votes for Jun.

Erika She called Alison her sister, which is frightening on many levels. Not sure if she'll still feel that way after watching all of the tapes. But that won't happen until after the finale. She votes for Alison.

Well, let's see, that leaves us deadlocked at 3-3, with Robert acting as the deciding vote. And the most unpredictable one at that. Tough to say which way he's leaning now. Will he be pissed that Alison voted him out? And how will his misogyny play into it? Beats me. My guess is that since Alison won more challenges, he will at least respect her for that and give her his vote… reluctantly.

And that makes Alison the winner by this count. Which pretty much jinxes her to high hell. A place she may become familiar with on her own merits considering what she's done throughout this game.

Who do you think will win?

Originally posted Sep 18, 2003
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