''Big Brother 5'': The Four Horsemen trample Mike
Well, it looks like Project DNA is really working its magic: Do Not Assume the houseguests will actually do something unpredictable at the first eviction ceremony. It should come as a shock to no one that bandanna boy Jase and his 11 sheep decided to oust Michael the Michigan painter, a terrific bore who only by the grace of good editing was made out to be a shrewd player on the cusp of exposing the terrifying Jase-Scott Alliance! Please. Most of the time he kept his mouth shut and sat by himself. (How about that footage of him pulling a solo act in the john last night! Great strategy, pal!) He even made it clear to Julie Chen afterward that his ''heart wasn't in it!'' Gee, ya think? As my man Marvin -- quite the budding Bernard Shaw, that guy -- reported in the diary room, ''No hanging chads here. You're the one! No recount.'' Mostly, I'm glad to see that Mike got the unanimous ouster, because his receding hairline was getting red from all that sun and I don't want worries of basal-cell carcinoma getting in the way of my serious BB studies.
Anyway, now there are 12 houseguests -- or 13 actually, because the lovely and oh-so-talented Julie finally told us who is involved in the second Project DNA twist: Adria has an identical twin named Natalie who's been switching places with her since the game began last week. If they manage to keep their little secret from the houseguests through week 5, they'll both get to stay in the house and compete for the $500K prize.
I gotta admit, when Julie first talked about the twin twist while wearing that Studio 54 getup last Thursday, my first reaction was ''What the hell is she wearing now?'' But the minute I saw Natalie walk out to the patio at the end of the episode and assume the role of Adria, I figured this could be fun.
Otherwise, last night was kind of a snoozer. For one, Cowboy Mike was pretty darn articulate compared with the genius ''That was nervousing!'' line he uttered to sister Nakomis after the nomination ceremony Tuesday. Two, Julie said ''But first'' only two times and I was hoping she'd say it more so I could start my own personal drinking game. And speaking of drinking, how about Jase thanking God he was drunk because he couldn't have sat through the eviction ceremony sober? Did we miss the party? But that obviously explains why it took him a good 10 years to respond to Julie when she started interviewing him in the Head of Household bedroom -- too many swigs of the good stuff.
Oh, and let's not ignore the very special moment of the night when cameras went into the home of Nakomis' dad, Guy, clearly not so shook up that CBS just revealed to the world that he fathered Cowboy Mike in an earlier life. ''I wish I had known him,'' Guy mumbled with all the enthusiasm of a rock. ''I just hope it doesn''t hurt him.'' Well one look at that convincing performance, Pop, and I expect he'll feel some pain.
Other highlights: At least Four Horsemen leaders Scott and Jase took a breather from those bandannas, but I can't say I like the alternative of spiked hair. And Drew -- dude -- was that a Bible in your hand when you were talking to Mike in the kitchen? Just askin'.
Finally, I probably should take a moment to acknowledge the budding romance between Jase and Holly, looking all lovey-dovey on the patio. On second thought, forget that I said anything.
What did you think of this episode?