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Twinning Isn't Everything

On a weepy, soapy episode of ''Big Brother,'' the sister act ends as bootylicious Natalie gets the boot and Marvin meets ''The Young and the Restless''

Big Brother | NO MORE TEARS Natalie's sob story is over
Image credit: Natalie Okins: Tony Esparza
NO MORE TEARS Natalie's sob story is over

''Big Brother'': The sister act ends

Come on, already, enough with the crying! I realize life in the ''BB'' house can be tense and tiresome, but do they always have to turn on the tears? What exactly was Karen's deal, getting all misty-eyed after noxious Natalie walked out the door? Hello, Mrs. Larry, did I not see you vote her bodacious booty out of the house just two seconds before?

And Marvin, you big strong beautiful black man Marvin, you're sobbing on national TV because you just scored a walk-on role on ''The Young and the Restless'' when you should be jumping for joy because you get a break from staring at Diane's cheap streaks! You so had me hatin' you, bro. That is, until you said the makeup artist would ''have me so pretty . . . I'm gonna be like the black Brad Pitt -- Barbecue Pitt.'' Then, of course, I loved you again. (And who didn't love the cut to Cowboy enviously referring to Marvin's soap appearance as ''the expense of a lifetime''?)

I loved that eviction vote, too. Not the moment when Cowboy thanked God and called Natalie ''a friend, a sister.'' (Clearly, learning that Nakomis, who nominated him for eviction, actually is his half sister is nothing but a bad memory. I so believe that Cowboy and Nik are history once this whole sordid show is over). No, the moment when Natalie completed the walk of shame she so deserves.

Honestly, I never liked that twins twist. Sure, the reveal made for good TV -- the show's executive producer, Arnold Shapiro, has called it the best ''BB'' moment ever -- but it gave Natalie and Adria an unfair advantage while subjecting us to two God-fearin' gals who just love to sob. Enough with the crying!

And while I'm at it, enough with the live votes; honestly, there's nothing worse than listening to Julie Chen fill dead air while waiting for the houseguests to walk in and out of the diary room. In fact, Sir Arnold, why not go ahead and keep the vote count to yourself? Don't tell the houseguests, don't even tell us! That could make for a better game.

So back to the game: Can't wait for the moment when Will sees his enemy Natalie walk into the evictees' house -- a tropical oasis if I've ever seen one. Perhaps they'll pass the time with lively, informative discussions of Bible passages and the state of gay marriage. Diane scored some key points for calling boyfriend Drew on the carpet for his pro-twin stance, and who didn't dig it when she cursed kiss-ass Cowboy in the diary room for never taking a stand? Too bad Marvin will probably target her next week along with Cowboy, if he doesn't go after Cowboy and Karen instead. And Drew -- how is this boy managing to coast so innocently under the radar? Has he ever done anything remotely strategic since he's been here? Can this body-shaving freak actually make it to the finals? Will he go on to get a rich endorsement deal from Schick? Will Colin and Christie actually win ''The Amazing Race''?

Now I feel like crying.

How do you feel?

Originally posted Aug 27, 2004