In this stunningly bad riff on Beauty and the Beast, a cocky NYC high schooler (Alex Pettyfer) is turned into a tattooed eyesore by a vengeful teen witch (Mary-Kate Olsen) who gives him one year to break the spell by wooing a classmate (Vanessa Hudgens). Spectacularly poor judgment in everything from acting to costuming (Olsen's Harajuku-troll get-up is scarier than her curse) puts Beastly right on the cusp of the so-bad-it's-good Hall of Shame. So here's a litmus test: If you're tickled by the prospect of hearing our heroine squeal at her beast, "You come near me, I taser your a--," then fill up your tomato bag and buy a ticket. Otherwise, consider the movie's title a rare case of truth in advertising. D-