TV

Season Finales

With Friends, Sex and the City, and Frasier saying sayonara, we humbly offer these suggested finales.

FRIENDS Joey goes to Hollywood -- and all the other Friends decide to follow him. Monica gets a cooking show on the Food Network, Tense-Minute Meals With Monica. Rachel replaces Jeff Probst as the host of Survivor (her trademark line: ''Survivors ready?... How can you be ready when your hair looks like that?''), while Phoebe starts a psychic hotline. Chandler indulges his wise-guy chattiness when ABC hires him to replace Jimmy Kimmel, but execs aren't happy with his first monologue joke: ''Could Ted Koppel's hair be more meat-loaf-like?'' Ross lands a syndicated action show about a daredevil archaeologist: Manhattan Jones and the Temple of Jews.

SEX AND THE CITY Each girl ends up married happily ever after, and nobody dies, please -- sure, Samantha was getting on our nerves, but not that much.

FRASIER The final scene has Frasier in the radio studio, uttering his tagline, ''I'm listening,'' as we fade to...Bob Newhart, who wakes up to realize that he just had a very long dream about a psychoanalyst who took over WKRP in Cincinnati. Oddly enough, Newhart is in bed with Eddie.

Originally posted Jan 23, 2004 Published in issue #747-748 Jan 23, 2004 Order article reprints