But then there was the finale's parallel narrative, set in the Sideways world, a pocket afterlife inhabited by — and created by — the dead castaways. The souls of the castaways gathered in a church, where stained glass windows showcased insignias of various religions, and then disappeared into white warm light. Did Lost mean to say that all religions are equal? Did the very premise of the Sideways world inadvertently subvert Jack's perspective, not to mention six years of drama? I say: No. I also say: Trojan Horse. Because when you look through the gauzy glow of Lost's last moments, what you see are ideas that stand in opposition to most bodies of thought that promise its believers eternity, including the ones featured in that stained glass. ''The End'' wasn't a sappy, sentimental affirmation of ''happily ever after'' ideologies — it was a sneaky critique of them.

KEEPING THE FAITH, LOSING THE RELIGION
Or:
THE EVERYONE IS WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING (INCLUDING LOST) THEORY OF LOST
Part One: Why Jacob Sucked

In the final season of Lost, the castaways of Oceanic 815 learned that their fates had been shaped by a proverbial man behind the curtain: Jacob, The Island's protector, who was over 2,000 years old and behaved like a god. He could manipulate people and events near and far. He could grant eternal life (see: Richard) and denied life (see: the baby making problem). He kept himself distant and communicated cryptically and via proxies. He demanded strict obedience. He killed by ordering murder (see: The Purge). He judged.

But Jacob was not a god. He was just a man. And what's plain to see in retrospect — particularly if you're an atheist — is that Jacob was a case study in Why Many Religious People Are Pathetic. The origin and evolution of Jacob's spiritual beliefs are as intellectually dubious as a Doc Jensen theory. Over the course of Lost's final act, we learned that Jacob had inherited the Island dogma of his mother, who raised him in isolation from the world and taught him never to question the perspective she had given him or trust anyone who had a different one. Key planks in Mother's ideological platform: All men are greedy little buggers and by nature prone to sin; and when corrupt men act in ways not in accordance with her interpretation of The Island, they should be destroyed.

After his mother's death, Jacob tweaked and modified the set of beliefs she had given him. His innovations were impressive within context — in particular, Jacob allowed for a more gracious view and policy toward mankind (as well as himself); he was the New Testament to her Old Testament — but he never challenged the context itself. More problematic: Jacob's tweaks and modifications weren't the result of any kind of sound philosophical or scientific investigation, but born out of his ''personal issues'' with his mother and his brother. Later in life, Jacob dared to venture outside his tropical bubble, but his purpose wasn't to test his worldview, but affirm it and redeem it. He identified a set of souls that were very much like him — ''flawed'' — and brought them to The Island by various means for three purposes: To win a philosophical fight with his brother; to rectify his brother's inhuman condition; and to bequeath his responsibilities to a likeminded soul.

NEXT: A possible explanation for the creation of the Smoke Monster