Give It a Rest, Sabbath

Image credit: Ozzy Osbourne: Mick Hutson/Redferns/Retna

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The problem is what followed. Ozzy's record company just reissued remastered editions of his supposedly classic albums, so I had a chance to hear them anew. It was a grueling experience -- just ask my office neighbor. ''Blizzard of Ozz,'' his 1980 post-Sabbath debut, holds up reasonably well, thanks to ''Crazy Train'' (still as good a track as Sab ever cut), and ''Suicide Solution'' has historical interest.

But after that, it's all downhill. The songs are all mucky riffs and bat-claws-on-blackboard singing; his power ballads have, to be kind, not dated well. For guitarheads, 1981's ''Diary of a Madman'' benefits from the presence of Randy Rhoads, who sadly died not long after its release. But when the high point of last year's ''Down to Earth'' is a collaboration with a former member of Foreigner, you know you're in trouble.

Remember the cringeworthy duet with Lita Ford? Remember the '80s videos that sought to recast Ozzy as a hair-metal icon -- and how his moussed hair and weight-obscuring robes made him look like a frustrated housewife on a rampage? Remember the cartoonish ''satanism''? And people still take him seriously. Like I said earlier, he must have cracked open one incredible fortune cookie at one point in his life.

Don't get me wrong: Ozzy seems like a likeable enough guy, and I'm glad he's a TV sensation. ''The Osbournes'' sells the fantasy that one can still be a rock & roll rebel even with wife, children, many personal belongings, and a massive home, and that must be reassuring to some. Let's hope the show continues -- if only because it means Ozz won't have time to enter a recording studio for a while.