Bad Car-ma

REEL DEALS Tim Burton has reeled in a deal to direct ''Big Fish,'' a family comedy-drama about an estranged son who tries to get closer to his dying father by determining the truth behind dad's tall tales. Screenwriter John August (''Go'') adapted the fish story, based on Daniel Wallace's novel. Shooting begins this fall....

Kate Beckinsale will star in ''Underworld,'' a ''Romeo and Juliet''-type love story about two lovers from feuding clans -- with a twist: She's a vampire, and he's a werewolf. (Talk about love bites.) Shooting begins in September in Eastern Europe.

TUBE TALK You know those nightmares you used to have about having to sit down to an algebra test or the SATs without having studied? Johnny Carson is 76, but he still has the same nightmares, only his are about being unprepared for this evening's production of ''The Tonight Show.'' This even though he's been retired for exactly 10 years from the show he hosted for 30. That's about as close as Carson has ever gotten to revealing his inner life. He granted his first interview in nine years to Esquire magazine. In the June issue, Carson offers his opinions on how the TV landscape has changed since his retirement. On reality competitions like ''Survivor,'' he says, ''These people are in just about as much jeopardy as I am having dinner.'' He says he enjoys his retirement -- sailing, playing poker, learning how to speak Swahili -- and says ''I ain't going back on television.'' Not even for NBC's upcoming 75th anniversary blowout, even though NBC honcho Robert Wright asked him personally. ''It's gonna be one of those self-congratulatory things,'' Carson says. '''Come look at what we've done! Look how good we are!' I'm just not going to do it. I made that decision a long time ago, and it's served me well.'' In fact, he says, the only time he's regretted not still hosting ''Tonight'' was during the Monica Lewinsky scandal. He was the one calling Wright then, saying, '''I regret it now. I haven't seen such an abundance of material in my life!'''...

Glenn Close and Patrick Stewart are about to get medieval on each other. They'll costar in Showtime's remake of ''The Lion in Winter,'' the 1968 film that won Oscars for Katharine Hepburn and screenwriter James Goldman. Close will play the Hepburn role of Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine, engaged in a battle of wills and wits with her husband, King Henry II of England (Stewart, in the Peter O'Toole role) over the future of the kingdom. Shooting begins in Hungary in early 2003....

Mark Addy (''The Full Monty'') may have had the build to play Jackie Gleason in the CBS biopic ''The Great One,'' but he apparently did not have the time. Having bowed out over scheduling conflicts, he'll be replaced by ''Everybody Loves Raymond'''s Brad Garrett. ''It's been Brad's lifelong dream to play Jackie Gleason,'' says the TV movie's producer. (How convenient, then.) Shooting begins this summer.